Repression's Ghost

Life is a ongoing process of learning about ourselves, the world surrounding us, and the Almighty God, and how He relates to us, all the while excepting our brokenness and embracing the love and grace of Jesus. Throughout my personal pursuit of life’s answers I’ve spent significant time investigating the psychology of humans and the relationship between childhood, early adolescence, and early adulthood up-and-to full adulthood. Currently, I am pondering Even farther along the road less traveled, by Dr. Scott Peck (1993), who writes about the ghost of our young lives’ repression of memories we’ve blocked out, consciously or subconsciously. Peck goes on to say unaddressed childhood issues which have been repressed manifest themselves as ghosts of our past here now in the future, poking their head out in our lives at the most inappropriate times and causing our behavior to be dictated by forgotten past memories.

We may not realize or remember the experience or experiences which were repressed of any particular event or period of time, but these things- or the repression of these things- deeply affects us here in the present, every and all days we continue to live. I see the signs of repression in others around me and I tremble for them; I see the possibility of this in myself and I cringe for fear of the absolute unknown in my life.

“It is possible to push a memory of something that happened to us out of our consciousness. We cannot consciously remember it, but it doesn’t go away when we do this. In fact, it becomes a ghost that haunts us and makes things worse than if we remembered it...

It is possible, for instance, for woman who have been repeatedly sexually molested- week after week after week for a period of two or three years by their fathers or step fathers- to actually forget that. They can’t even remember that it even happened, because they have repressed it. But these woman end up in therapy, usually because the relationships they are trying to form with men in their lives are abominable. That early experience, which they cannot remember, continues to haunt them” (Peck, 1993, p.45-46).

The idea that many of us are carrying wounds around with us day in-and-out without conscious knowledge of these wounds, with actions and behavior being highly influenced by them, with continual negative life events and experiences affected due to them brings me to my knees in tears because many are missing out on real, tangible, life changing healing.

Is there a fix for each of us? Are we addressing our issues, our past? Are we getting the help we need? Are we walking boldly into healable wounds or are we walking away from them and disregarding them in fear?

I understand many of us are scared to open our can of worms- many horrible memories still affecting us to this day. We fear the unknown. We’ve ignored or repressed the past, we’ve been able to forget. Shouldn’t we just move on?

I don’t think any of us have truly forgotten. I don’t think it’s about forgetting. Even when it comes to forgiving another, scripture doesn’t tell us to forget. The old American adage “forgive and forget” is incorrect. There may be a wrong, there may be something to forgive, but it’s not about forgetting- it’s not about suppressing, it’s about addressing. It’s about being authentic and real while looking honestly at the wound. Are we walking a path towards healing? Is it time to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus into the unknown of our past- I believe it is.

Repressing consciously or unconsciously our past has detrimental effects on our present and future. Our enemy - the devil- hides in the shadows waiting. He’s waiting to pounce. What he would like the most is for us to pretend everything is OK, to continue to stumble around fixable wounds, to move on without fully understanding our lives and what has made us the way we are. Conversely, I believe our loving Father-God wants us to honestly and truly walk in the freedom of Christ, and it’s my believe that understanding and bringing healing to our past allows us to worship, love, care for, show mercy, forgive, and live for Christ in the present in a more complete and whole fashion.

The enemy wins when we don’t claim the truth, walk in the light, and open the door to our past while Jesus holds us tight, affirming softly that “everything is going to be OK, we are going to do this together.”

I would argue that many of us neglect the need for help for we don’t believe we are worthy of being helped, possibly we don’t feel important or loved, or there are simply too many issues to wade through. God’s truth, however, speaks louder than the external propagandized voice many of us have heard since birth. We are the Beloved of the living God!

As followers of Christ we walk in a cloud of constant bombardment of negative words and ideas pitched to us by the enemy as he roams around trying to knock us off our path of healing. We are living in a world that screams, “You are no good, you are ugly, you are worthless, despicable, you are nobody.” With these words often working diligently to drown out the Spirit whispering in our ear, we are of course going to ignore our need for better self love and understanding.

But the truth speaks louder than this negativity. Luckily, there is a much louder, softer, warmer, and welcoming voice within us all. The voice of Jesus.

Are you going to venture into the unknown with Jesus? There is healing, there is new life. You are the Beloved. You are worthy of a new beginning. You are dearly loved. Walk boldly.


References:

Nouwen, H. (1992). Life of the Beloved. New York, New York: Crossroads publishing.

Peck, S. M. (1993). Further along the road less traveled. New York, New York: Touchstone publishing.