Believing that or believing in?

It’s rather strange the things I doubt, the reasons for my skepticism. I don’t have trouble with the fact that Jesus was the incarnate; I don’t struggle with the idea that Jesus is the son of God who was sent to earth; I don’t doubt who Jesus was and is, as well as who God is; I don’t wonder how or if Jesus was raised from the dead; I don’t question if Jesus has the power to heal, save, or change a person’s life; I don’t debate that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light, that he came to die on a cross to die for our sins. I don’t have any reservations about these things. Strangely, these are the facts that are easy for me to stand on.

What I do absolutely and without hesitancy argue includes everything else: all facts, irregularities, Aramaic, Greek, and Hebrew to English translations, differences in language and culture, biblical stories and contradictions, miracles, prayer, how and if God works, what he really expects of us, the Western church movement, religion and anything else that the word Christianity and it’s beliefs entails.

Honestly, I don’t think I’m in a horrible place with my faith. I surely doubt much of the beliefs so many of us profess every Sunday without question. I confess I believe much of the behavior and ritual we all perform regularly are creations of the Western Church, much of which we could all go without. But, overall I would conclude that there is some meaning to this madness that God is doing something in and through this mess I would call my life. Though I am not the only person in history to struggle- scratch that word choice- flounder in my faith, I do think there is a bit of a difference in the depth of my questioning and searching that may have not been present in many other believers quests.

I hope my quest doesn’t leave me following some mythical creature over Christ or worshiping a shrine of pictures cut out from magazines of TV soap actors instead of Yahweh, but in order to grow deeper in understanding of God I must reach to the depths of this sea of questions and trust that there is something under this weighted mass of questions and doubts that is worth the uncomfortable, faith compromising battle.

An author I am growing increasingly interested in is Brian D. McLaren. Many may know Brian for A new kind of Christian, written about the controversial topic of the postmodern church movement. I would assume many have conjectured that Brian is undoubtedly and without question off his rocker with regard to the way church should change with time. Some might even think McLaren is an enemy to the church.

All this to say that in reading through another of McLaren’s books, The Secret Message of Jesus, I read the following quote and conclude his sentiments parallel mine and my current chapter of life.

“Now believing in this sense is not primarily believing that. It is more a matter of believing in, which presupposes the most important things that one might believe anyway. It’s not simply believing this or that about God; it’s believing in God, or perhaps simply believing God with the kind of interpersonal confidence one has when saying, ‘I believe in my spouse.’ Equally, it’s not simply believing this or that about the good news of the kingdom; it’s believing in or having confidence in the good news of the kingdom” (McLaren, 2006, p. 108-109).

I maintain that I struggle with the details of the Scripture, from Genesis to Revelation, but I unequivocally believe in God and his son, Jesus Christ. I believe in God; I believe in Jesus. Sadly, I don’t know what to believe anymore about God; this is the voyage I am currently on. I believe in the good news. Unfortunately, I don’ t know what the details of the good news is anymore; these are the questions I’m asking.

In conclusion, I can no longer blindly believe in the things that have been passed down from church generation to church generation. I need more, I want to see the church come back to life and leave the dying ways in which it once lived. I suppose I might just be cursed.

Mclaren goes on to say, “How much must you believe? Is your believing disqualified if you have X number of doubts? These questions haunt all of us who are blessed and/or cursed with a highly reflective nature..”(McLaren, 2006, p. 109). I suppose at some point in our lives following Christ we must all ask the difficult questions about the details of our faith. I would argue that in avoiding any questioning or wondering in hope that you will avoid floundering as I am, you profess a faith you don’t completely comprehend and/or understand but walk blindingly without the strength gained from the “faith struggle” period of life. I encourage everyone to doubt.

In the hope that Christ will speak,
Amen.

McLaren, Brian. (2006). The Secret Message of Jesus: uncovering the truth that could change everything. W Publishing Group. Nashville, Tennessee.