Story:

“To serve God is to bring our story to him and allow our life themes to make God’s story known to others.” – Dan Allender

God seems to work in such strange ways?! Each and every one of us has a story, with unique characters, plot, point of view, conflict, struggle, theme, setting, and one day, climax. Every one of us lives currently within the unwritten pages of the remaining chapters of their very own individual, elegant story. And God continues to co-author that narrative alongside us. God continues to use the details of our distinct story to bring us together in community to have unity and life, support and love, growth and development, while inviting others to be active players in our narrative. It’s a delicate and delightful dance between life, who we are, and the living and active God seemingly present in all things.

Looking back over the short number of years I’ve lived, I see many wonderful and also painful memories that have dramatically shaped the paradigm and framework of my life. Everything has played a role in creating me. All elements have meaning; all memories have feeling, emotion… tears. There are many impressions left of pain, abuse, disrespect, and overall heartless and pointless assault upon my precious soul. There are also a number of wonderful, good pages of life within my story that bring joy and excitement when recalled. However, all are parts of the burly foundation of Eric that make him who he is today. And, often if looked at closely in retrospect shows God’s presence in and through them all.

The direction of my story has turned a bit in the last few months. Over the previous three years of life – but more intensely the last year – I’ve fought tooth and nail against the belief in an active, loving, present God in this world. I’ve been quite hostile against everything Christian, religious, Jesus oriented in an attempt to determine the Christian God was not real. For a while I felt like I had a pretty good case against Him (or Her, who really knows). And, this hard work was really paying off: I was lonely, sad, depressed, anxious, confused, angry, cynical, negative, pessimistic… all the wonderful things that make life so easy and exciting, right? ☺


Yet, strangely, things started to transform in me when I least expected it. After a year of some of the most difficult pain and anguish I’ve ever experienced finished sucking my soul and heart dry, I caught sight of my heart opening back up to the possibility of a God that is good, active, caring, and alive in my story. I perceive the good in people again; I get excited for relationship and friendship!

I didn’t create this psychological utopia or will these things to happen… all I can take responsibility for is allowing my heart to be receptive- willing. Then God seemed to walk boldly though the door of my life and brought liveliness and bounce back into my dying bones. I feel like I have a hop in my step once again and I’m not letting go without a fight.

One year ago, someone focal in my story and I were reading Messy Spirituality. In the concluding paragraph of the book, the author while talking about believing in God makes the statement, “If you think God doesn’t love you, try to walk away; try to turn your back on Him.” We both tried. We both moved in the opposite direction of God in many ways. Yet, strangely, it seems perhaps we tried and failed. Strangely, it seems even in trying we couldn't get away. There was something deep within pulling us back.

This last three years has been a pivotal part of my narrative, my story. In the last year my dad has been diagnosed with Lou Gering’s disease, most of my family relationships have been severed in an attempt to be healthy, I’ve lacked real loving and supportive community, I’ve felt alone and lost, I’ve hurt someone I dearly love and respect, I’ve worked a job I feel has taken away part of my natural love and care for people… it’s been a rough and painful few chapters.

Yet I see now how my pain and my experience can show so clearly the beauty of God (I honestly can’t believe I’m saying this). I believe serving God in this world takes our personal and meaningful stories and invites those around us into the plot, giving others freedom to pick up the pen and put ink on paper. Releasing my story into this world allows light to shine on some very dark pieces of my life. Opening the cover shows God’s fingerprints on the pages of my life, and perhaps can encourage the freedom upon others around me to crawl into and share their magnificent story.

What are you going to do with your story?

In love,
Eric

Action:

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” - 1 john 3:18

Love is a wonderfully controversial topic, leaving the delicate mystery and part of the unknown intertwined within. To love someone with action, as well as with words, takes energy, perseverance, and a willingness to move forward. The author of 1 John made a certainly brave claim: don't fail to love by using just words, words that can quickly turn empty and unoccupied; show love through action- work.

Contrary to popular believe, when I was a youngster I was quite the hyperactive difficult little Mann. Every and all behavior seemed to be against authority figures – mom and dad. More often than not I would completely disregard anything my mom would tell me to do, and often that would hurt her deeply. I’d soon see the impact of my actions on her, see the hurt, and I would quickly try to turn around and “fix” things. “Mom, I’m sorry. I love you so much. I really love you. You are the best mom I've ever seen”

I would say these words as if they were the mend and restore all things preset. I was under the impression that telling someone you love them takes away all pain, suffering, heart-ache, anger, frustration… this was not the case. My mom would confront me with truth. She would say, “Eric, you always tell me you love me, but try showing me you love me. You never show love to me.”

Powerful and poignant words have never rang truer. I could and can say all the empty words I want in an attempt to convice those around me that I love them. However, in the end, if my words and my behavior don’t match-up, then my words mean nothing and my idea of love is a blowing in the wind. SImply put: they contradict one another.

My hearts desire is to love with my behavior; I desire to love with my action. To do this takes time, energy, and work. It also takes focusing on the needs of others, believing with faith in hope. Following. But who ever said loving other people was an easy task?

LOVE DOES WIN.

Eric

Comm-UNITY:

It’s been quite some time since the last blog posting (over four months!); honestly, I’ve not been in a place within my heart, mind, and emotions where I could offer anything up for thought… It’s been a really rough year. Life started to throw me lemons and I never learned exactly how to make lemonade.

I write this entry with new and thrilling excitement. I don’t believe that which has been the most difficult in my life has changed all that much, but I do believe the God that is present in all things has allowed me to see my life from an entirely different perspective: I’ve had a soft yet forceful paradigm shift. Things don’t look the same any longer and I straddle the line between crying out for more of this gifted perspective and fear that life and the incredible pain and discomfort of this world will steal it away from me once again- but I want to desperately cling to hope; I'm not letting go again!

A friend of mine handed me a quote recently that really hit home:

I sought my God, but my God I could not see.
I sought my soul, but my soul eluded me.
I sought my brother and I found all three.
- Unknown Author

As of late I’ve put much sweat and tears into the idea of community. I desire a real experience within an authentic community of people, and I wish to put all of myself into this with no knowledge of what how it will turn out, and with full understanding that I could be seriously hurt. I believe we see the full picture of God when we look at others, when we look outwardly in an ‘other’s focused’ mentality. I’m not suggesting we should disregard ourselves or turn off our personal and real needs. What I am purposing is 1) offering ourselves fully to others and 2) engaging fully with a group of people in unity for the purpose of love, life, personal growth, knowing one another, and knowing God.

Romans 12:9-21 seems it could be interpreted for relationships. The author mentions love being sincere, turning away from evil, devoting ourselves to brotherly love, honoring others above ourselves (however not ignoring our own needs), moving toward hope, joy and prayer, sharing with those in need, blessing those we don’t agree with, rejoicing, living at peace with everyone, and overcoming evil with good.

What a powerful and poignant picture of unity within community! What a honestly beautiful and intoxicating and colorful canvas. The fundamental truth is that we are all in desperate need of community; we all want to be invited in, included, accepted fully for who we are without judgment. We are relational beings created to be in relationship with others.

The caveat is that we are also all unique and different people. We all have different life experiences, families, hearts, emotions, and intelligence. Where some of us are funny, quick, serious, annoying, aggressive, fun, laid-back… others are not; others may have completely opposite character, behavior, worldview... We are an eclectic bunch. However, we are a bunch that has been made to be in unity with one another, and I want to be a part of this movement.

I’m not quite sure what that looks like entirely. But I know I want to move toward this with all that I have to offer. I am ready to give. I am eager to step out and put myself on the line knowing I may not receive that which I desire. I’m ready to risk, to hope, and to seek; I'm ready to follow. I'm ready to see the God present in all things do miracles in the lives of those around me.

Sincerely,
Eric