Blogging the Blog- Bob Lob Blog

Story:

2010-08-19T09:27:00.001-07:00

“To serve God is to bring our story to him and allow our life themes to make God’s story known to others.” – Dan Allender

God seems to work in such strange ways?! Each and every one of us has a story, with unique characters, plot, point of view, conflict, struggle, theme, setting, and one day, climax. Every one of us lives currently within the unwritten pages of the remaining chapters of their very own individual, elegant story. And God continues to co-author that narrative alongside us. God continues to use the details of our distinct story to bring us together in community to have unity and life, support and love, growth and development, while inviting others to be active players in our narrative. It’s a delicate and delightful dance between life, who we are, and the living and active God seemingly present in all things.

Looking back over the short number of years I’ve lived, I see many wonderful and also painful memories that have dramatically shaped the paradigm and framework of my life. Everything has played a role in creating me. All elements have meaning; all memories have feeling, emotion… tears. There are many impressions left of pain, abuse, disrespect, and overall heartless and pointless assault upon my precious soul. There are also a number of wonderful, good pages of life within my story that bring joy and excitement when recalled. However, all are parts of the burly foundation of Eric that make him who he is today. And, often if looked at closely in retrospect shows God’s presence in and through them all.

The direction of my story has turned a bit in the last few months. Over the previous three years of life – but more intensely the last year – I’ve fought tooth and nail against the belief in an active, loving, present God in this world. I’ve been quite hostile against everything Christian, religious, Jesus oriented in an attempt to determine the Christian God was not real. For a while I felt like I had a pretty good case against Him (or Her, who really knows). And, this hard work was really paying off: I was lonely, sad, depressed, anxious, confused, angry, cynical, negative, pessimistic… all the wonderful things that make life so easy and exciting, right? ☺

Yet, strangely, things started to transform in me when I least expected it. After a year of some of the most difficult pain and anguish I’ve ever experienced finished sucking my soul and heart dry, I caught sight of my heart opening back up to the possibility of a God that is good, active, caring, and alive in my story. I perceive the good in people again; I get excited for relationship and friendship!

I didn’t create this psychological utopia or will these things to happen… all I can take responsibility for is allowing my heart to be receptive- willing. Then God seemed to walk boldly though the door of my life and brought liveliness and bounce back into my dying bones. I feel like I have a hop in my step once again and I’m not letting go without a fight.

One year ago, someone focal in my story and I were reading Messy Spirituality. In the concluding paragraph of the book, the author while talking about believing in God makes the statement, “If you think God doesn’t love you, try to walk away; try to turn your back on Him.” We both tried. We both moved in the opposite direction of God in many ways. Yet, strangely, it seems perhaps we tried and failed. Strangely, it seems even in trying we couldn't get away. There was something deep within pulling us back.

This last three years has been a pivotal part of my narrative, my story. In the last year my dad has been diagnosed with Lou Gering’s disease, most of my family relationships have been severed in an attempt to be healthy, I’ve lacked real loving and supportive community, I’ve felt alone and lost, I’ve hurt someone I dearly love and respect, I’ve worked a job I feel has taken away part of my natural love and care for people… it’s been a rough and painful few chapters.

Yet I see now how my pain and my experience can show so clearly the beauty of God (I honestly can’t believe I’m saying this). I believe serving God in this world takes our personal and meaningful stories and invites those around us into the plot, giving others freedom to pick up the pen and put ink on paper. Releasing my story into this world allows light to shine on some very dark pieces of my life. Opening the cover shows God’s fingerprints on the pages of my life, and perhaps can encourage the freedom upon others around me to crawl into and share their magnificent story.

What are you going to do with your story?

In love,
Eric

Action:

2010-08-17T09:42:00.000-07:00

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” - 1 john 3:18

Love is a wonderfully controversial topic, leaving the delicate mystery and part of the unknown intertwined within. To love someone with action, as well as with words, takes energy, perseverance, and a willingness to move forward. The author of 1 John made a certainly brave claim: don't fail to love by using just words, words that can quickly turn empty and unoccupied; show love through action- work.

Contrary to popular believe, when I was a youngster I was quite the hyperactive difficult little Mann. Every and all behavior seemed to be against authority figures – mom and dad. More often than not I would completely disregard anything my mom would tell me to do, and often that would hurt her deeply. I’d soon see the impact of my actions on her, see the hurt, and I would quickly try to turn around and “fix” things. “Mom, I’m sorry. I love you so much. I really love you. You are the best mom I've ever seen”

I would say these words as if they were the mend and restore all things preset. I was under the impression that telling someone you love them takes away all pain, suffering, heart-ache, anger, frustration… this was not the case. My mom would confront me with truth. She would say, “Eric, you always tell me you love me, but try showing me you love me. You never show love to me.”

Powerful and poignant words have never rang truer. I could and can say all the empty words I want in an attempt to convice those around me that I love them. However, in the end, if my words and my behavior don’t match-up, then my words mean nothing and my idea of love is a blowing in the wind. SImply put: they contradict one another.

My hearts desire is to love with my behavior; I desire to love with my action. To do this takes time, energy, and work. It also takes focusing on the needs of others, believing with faith in hope. Following. But who ever said loving other people was an easy task?

LOVE DOES WIN.

Eric

Comm-UNITY:

2010-08-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

It’s been quite some time since the last blog posting (over four months!); honestly, I’ve not been in a place within my heart, mind, and emotions where I could offer anything up for thought… It’s been a really rough year. Life started to throw me lemons and I never learned exactly how to make lemonade.

I write this entry with new and thrilling excitement. I don’t believe that which has been the most difficult in my life has changed all that much, but I do believe the God that is present in all things has allowed me to see my life from an entirely different perspective: I’ve had a soft yet forceful paradigm shift. Things don’t look the same any longer and I straddle the line between crying out for more of this gifted perspective and fear that life and the incredible pain and discomfort of this world will steal it away from me once again- but I want to desperately cling to hope; I'm not letting go again!

A friend of mine handed me a quote recently that really hit home:

I sought my God, but my God I could not see.
I sought my soul, but my soul eluded me.
I sought my brother and I found all three.
- Unknown Author

As of late I’ve put much sweat and tears into the idea of community. I desire a real experience within an authentic community of people, and I wish to put all of myself into this with no knowledge of what how it will turn out, and with full understanding that I could be seriously hurt. I believe we see the full picture of God when we look at others, when we look outwardly in an ‘other’s focused’ mentality. I’m not suggesting we should disregard ourselves or turn off our personal and real needs. What I am purposing is 1) offering ourselves fully to others and 2) engaging fully with a group of people in unity for the purpose of love, life, personal growth, knowing one another, and knowing God.

Romans 12:9-21 seems it could be interpreted for relationships. The author mentions love being sincere, turning away from evil, devoting ourselves to brotherly love, honoring others above ourselves (however not ignoring our own needs), moving toward hope, joy and prayer, sharing with those in need, blessing those we don’t agree with, rejoicing, living at peace with everyone, and overcoming evil with good.

What a powerful and poignant picture of unity within community! What a honestly beautiful and intoxicating and colorful canvas. The fundamental truth is that we are all in desperate need of community; we all want to be invited in, included, accepted fully for who we are without judgment. We are relational beings created to be in relationship with others.

The caveat is that we are also all unique and different people. We all have different life experiences, families, hearts, emotions, and intelligence. Where some of us are funny, quick, serious, annoying, aggressive, fun, laid-back… others are not; others may have completely opposite character, behavior, worldview... We are an eclectic bunch. However, we are a bunch that has been made to be in unity with one another, and I want to be a part of this movement.

I’m not quite sure what that looks like entirely. But I know I want to move toward this with all that I have to offer. I am ready to give. I am eager to step out and put myself on the line knowing I may not receive that which I desire. I’m ready to risk, to hope, and to seek; I'm ready to follow. I'm ready to see the God present in all things do miracles in the lives of those around me.

Sincerely,
Eric

A LIFELONG PROCESS

2010-04-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

“In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” – Philippians 1:5-6

I’ve currently been learning about family dynamics, boundaries, and how to be a healthier version of me around my immediate family within my boundaries and in a way that still shows love. This is and continues to be an extremely painful and unpleasant experience. There is no easy way to go about this. These lessons can’t be learned overnight, nor can the relationships that make it so hard to be a part of be changed at all or entirely in one lifetime.

However, I do - somewhere inside me - believe that God has started a ‘good work’ in me and will continue that process throughout my life – if I chose to accept my responsibility in this process and continue to be willing to examine myself within the relationships and communities I am a part of. I do think it’s imperative that one understands that this is not an easy or comfortable endeavor. In complete honesty, one is signing up for a world of difficulty, yet this difficulty shows one they are truly alive (at least in my opinion)!

Hope does come with the understanding that this is a lifelong process and I will never be 1) complete and done, and 2) fixed or cured.

I think –obviously because it’s me writing this- that this scripture is not necessarily communicating that God is working mysteriously in the background of my life in a way that advances my mental, emotional, or spiritual growth; I do believe we, as contributors in the circumstances, are responsible to step into this struggle and own ourselves enough to allow that process to continue throughout our life, as Paul claims through these words.

This means that we must humble ourselves in a way that lowers the barricades we’ve constructed in front of our real selves.

Stand united in community, surrounded by those who truly love you, learning about yourself and God, knowing things get worse before they get better.

Good luck to me and to you.

Amen.

ONE MORE STEP FORWARD

2010-04-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

I believe there is something beautiful happening outside the coffee shop as I write this; something that I like to think is symbolic of the lives of those who are struggling through life’s difficulty currently. Early this morning a strange storm entered Seattle. With it came high winds, light-to-very-heavy-rain, ice, mixed with intermittent and beautiful sunny, blue skies. What a gorgeous picture of life and it’s difficulty mixed with the periodic smiles, laughs, relationships, enjoyment, and all things that make us excited to be alive! The things that make us really want to believe in and worship a creator.

As I was riding home from work and subsequently walking to ZOKA from my house, I realized something blessed. It sounds seemingly obvious – something that many of us say often; hell, I believe I’ve said it to myself and many around me over the years a number of times. But this time it overcame me as if the spirit softly, yet directly, warmly encouraged my mind’s direction toward this truth: no one can entirely complete me.

I know, right? It seems so obvious, so inexperienced and artless. Yet, even being able to say these words years, months, weeks, hours ago, I now feel these words deeply within me: No one or nothing outside myself can make me whole. My job, girlfriend, wife, family, hobbies, gifts, money, car, house – things can’t bring me to wholeness; nothing outside myself can fill me.

I, personally, don’t want to be reliant in an unhealthy way – depended – on the things that I’ve been gifted with. I don’t want to take things for granted; I want to be brimming with, well, me! I want to know myself, who I am, what makes me tick, my gifts, weaknesses, abilities, desires, how God relates to me, things that make me smile, things that make me cry; I want to get to know Eric, and then I want to accept and love him like I have never before!

If I do not get to know myself fully, I will go throughout my life grabbing whatever thing is offered to me at that current chapter of life – girlfriend, job, money, opportunities, prestige, etc. – grab them so tight and never let them go; suck the life from them in order to fill myself, and then lose them altogether when the excitement wears off. I will proceed to force outside items and people to define me in some sort of way and keep me happy.

Being dependent on others/ things, I assume what job and things I have at some subconscious level decide who I am. If I have them, if I do them, they are in fact me. Take for example, my job. I do not particularly like my job. I would say I believe my job instead of bringing me to life, sucks the life out of me, daily. My position title is ‘Technical Assistant’, which immediately brings a well-known connotation with it (at least to me): “assistant”, which in many minds is below most other people. Therefore, because many view this position as ‘below’ others, I feel below others. If I can’t hold something up in front of me that I am doing, a part of, or someone I’m with boldly and excitedly, I, unfortunately, feel internally worth less.

During my childhood, amongst the many difficulties – including ADD, a lack of friends, abusive brothers, parents who never drew healthy lines between what was acceptable and what was not – I learned early how to prove myself to those around me, namely my brothers who would criticize absolutely everything I ever did. No matter what I did, I was wrong, dumb, stupid, retarded, a fag, gay, worthless, or on a good day just dense.

I would constantly try to earn their respect, not by who I was, but what I was able to do. I was persistently attempting to validate myself. I learned that the only way to be someone or something worthy of love or respect was based on what I could accomplish or how cool something would make me look; however, nothing was ever good enough. In order to survive the atmosphere I was held captive to I learned to be a fraud. A complete fraud!

And to this day I am still, at least partially, a fraud!

I am in part defined by what I do and whom I do it with. What a bittersweet realization. If this is true, I wont be happy – ever. Why? Because there will never be a job or person that doesn’t become normal or everyday; people and jobs inevitably loose their glow or shimmer. As humans we eventually are “everyday people” (those with a job, house, bills, errands, etc.) that must do the things that continue to propel us forward in this society we live in. We must go grocery shopping, me must have a job that the earned income meets or exceed the monthly cost of living. Me must have health benefits at some point because eventually we start to fall apart, we get older, we need this or that.

I suppose my life will be filled with this search for truth. As I look around and see so many who seem to be having so much fun living I begin to tear up. I want freedom from the prison cell I feel enclosed in. I will continue with the hope that with life’s high winds, light-to-very-heavy-rain, and ice, there will be intermittent and beautiful sunny, blue skies! What a gorgeous picture of life and it’s difficulty mixed with the periodic smiles, laughs, relationships, enjoyment, and all things that make us excited to be alive!

HOPE AND JOY AS WE TRUST

2010-03-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you my overflow with the hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” – Romans 15:13

I do believe that God and trust go hand-in-hand, however, perhaps, not as we’ve been taught to see it growing up. Though I wish not to sound or appear or feel like an American, conservative, fundamentalist, fluffy Christian, I’m aware believing anything about who Christ was - who he is - can place me straddling the border between Christ’s truth – the heart of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control -and fluffy Christianity; these two are juxtaposed. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t truly follow after the heart of God without – even in part – sounding or looking like the very type of Christian I highly regard with distaste.

However, I’ve learned that, we, as people, as those looking for the Spiritual realm within this world - and how we relate - can see what we distaste so immensely and throw it all out with one fell swoop. Without full knowledge of what our behavior proclaims or the impact it will have on our being – heart, soul, mind; we throw it all out because we don’t wish to be like any of the fluffy, fundamentalist, evangelical, hypocritical Christian people who pervade this Christian community*.

In essence, we “throw the baby out with the bathwater.” Yet, what are we risking by taking all of our belief system and tossing it out, abandoning that framework that is deep with in us, taking hold of it, and then ridding ourselves of the very thing that likely makes us who we are?

There seems to be a large risk that comes with this behavior, and honestly I believe I’ve seen it in myself. The tendency is to attempt to run away from that which does not fit any longer into the mold which we’ve had created over the many years of life on this earth. We try to fit the proverbial block into the circular hole, and today it no longer fits! Therefore, there must be something seriously wrong with our line of thinking, our beliefs, faith, God, people, etc.. And from this emerge a time of doubt, anger, frustration, hurt, sadness, guilt, resentment, bitterness, and an overwhelming feeling that perhaps we’ve been lied to.

Unfortunately – and I speak with a bit of authority on this topic – this is a circle with no end. There really doesn’t seem to be any point in which everything reverses back to the “way things were” or an easier time in life when all the pieces seemed to fit together so well. The circle continues to be a part of our journey; day-by-day we address the very things that cause us emotional, mental, and spiritual anxiety.

I believe I may be beginning to see the light at the end of this tunnel. It appears I may be getting closer to approaching faith and God, and how they relate to me in this very disgusting and painful world. I think I’m reaching a new level in my spiritual journey. I think I’m moving toward a new stage of spiritual maturity.

Paul’s quote from the book of Romans reminds us: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you my overflow with the hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” May he? YES! PLEASE! HE MAY! I believe there is some very mystifying truth in this joy and peace as we trust. What do we trust in? How do we know we have this joy and peace? How does the Holy Spirit show itself? Himself? Herself, as the case may be?

Maybe in previous stages of my faith I would have interpreted Paul’s verse differently than I do today. I may have pictured God filling me with joy and peace – a picture similar to a visit to the gas station, placing the nozzle into the gas tank, and filling the tank to the brim. I would have pictured some sort of spiritual agreement – obviously implied (by me) – that if I trust in a non-visible entity I will be gifted/ awarded hope, possibly from this Holy Spirit. My outlook was likely incorrect, yet my entire Christian life has been filled with a picture of God painted like the one I just mentioned.

Today, though, I interpret this very beautiful, eloquent, honest, and powerful scripture verse through a soft heart and a willing mind- though different than a few years previous. I filter it through my life experience, and it doesn’t seem to fit into my previously well-crafted God-box; it appears my faith has matured as I have grown. Now, I would say that I trust – in the big picture - everything is going to be OK. Whether it looks good or seems good, I know it’s OK. My trust has nothing to do with the words I spout out of my mouth or the ability to convince others (or myself) of this ultimate truth, it is softly, quietly residing deep within me, reminding me: it’s going to be OK. This subsequently is followed with hope. Hope that there is good in this world, even amongst the evil and darkness. I have hope that the smallest acts of good will outweigh, someday, the largest acts of evil (“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” –Romans 12:21). I have hope that as I trust, as my heart becomes softer towards those who need a friend, a shoulder, a conversation, or a relationship, that the acts of relational love that come along with that will fill me with joy and peace as I see a mysterious, spiritual encounter occur between myself and others.

These relationships are where I see God become real: R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P-S. Relationships. Real, authentic, caring, reaching-out-to-people relationships that ARE Gods love in this world.

Amen.

*Many of these people are not inherently bad people. They are often very sweet, kind, caring folks. These statements have nothing to do with their kindness or care for others whatsoever. This is simply a picture of a group of people that act a certain Christian way.

LOWER THE PERSONA

2010-03-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

I seem to live in a world that is filled with people who possess false, well crafted behavior and attempt at appearing full with life, hope, and energy. But is seems much of this is a façade and not what many of these people are really feeling at all. It appears they are deeply yearning for more in their core, but something is stopping this from happening. There is a block in front of them, seemingly surrounding them, that prevents them from being truly loving, truly kind, truly giving, truly forgiving, truly selfless, truly accepting of others. I know this because I suffer from this very systemic virus myself- this public persona.

Why? If we are even in small part honestly pursuing a life like the figure Jesus from Gospel accounts cant we lower, slightly, the façade and allow the power of the life and lessons of Jesus envelope us to a point of true life, hope, and energy? Should we not just do this with people we like or want to be around but with those who are not accepted, not welcomed into community, and often ignored? Could we change the world by accepting those we see in this world crying out for love and friendship? Can we stop doing the easy things in life and start doing that which seems so damn difficult!?! Can we move more toward downward mobility – including reaching out to those who seem they need a true friend – and stop trying to be so cool or suave, and accomplish a small part of the change this world needs to see?

I hope so. I deeply, deeply hope we can stop the bullshit and start honestly treating others the way we desire to be treated.

One of my favorite authors and a respected voice in my life, Dr. M. Scott Peck, wrote very eloquently on the topic of the Evil that surrounds us in this world has spoken yet again with a powerful punch. He argued that isn’t it a wonder, more importantly, that there is any actual good on this earth? We often are so curious why there is Evil present – “Why did this bad thing happen or that bad thing happen? The world is not supposed to be like this.”- but Peck questions why there is any good at all hovering around us. If we look around, it makes perfect sense there is Evil, it appears to be the natural progression of growth here on earth. Yet, good… good is not seemingly natural; it appears outside the norm. It appears to be something added to the life equation.

I remembered something about myself this early morning. Similar to the good I desire to see all around me amongst the Evil… I was made to see, notice, and love those who others don’t believe are worth loving, those who are ignored or fall into the category I’ve heard a number of times said by a certain group, “We don’t have to like everyone.” I learned that if I concentrate on the Evil mentioned above, if I only look at those who continue to hurt me, or those who are doing many of the behaviors and acts I believe to be Evil, I will ultimately implode causing all that I am to fall apart, for there is no fix for the Evil. Evil will continue despite my best intentions or actions. However, acts of love, moving toward the good, they will change the world. I will move toward those I see so deeply seeking a friend, a shoulder, a hug, an acknowledgment of their presence, or an invitation to hang out or go to a movie, or… perhaps just welcomed into something*.

Move towards those who need real love… just like me.

*I know only one other person in my life who shares this very view of concentrating on the good, and loving those who are so often ignored. I believe she will continue to be the wonderful and beautiful change in this world and impact those around her who have been left out.

THE SHADOW

2010-02-26T16:34:00.000-08:00

The shadow, as Carl Jung dubbed it, “is a composite of personal characteristics and potentialities of which the individual is unaware.” This dark and ominous black cloud that follows each-and-every one of us, though looking strikingly different, “contains inferior characteristics and weaknesses that the ego’s self-esteem will not permit it to recognize..” (Wallace, p. 21) which is distinct to each individual.

These characteristics, as Jung contends, reveal themselves at what seems like the most inopportune times, through projections. Projections, as Jung defined them, are “an unconscious, automatic process whereby an unconscious content transferred itself to an object and seemed to belong to it” (Wallace, p. 21).

Projections can, and should, be combated with all one has within him/herself; they can internally murder oneself without the possessor ever consciously aware of the death. Jung goes on to say, “while the shadow is projected, the individual can, as one analysts has said, ‘hate and condemn freely the weakness and evil he sees in others, while maintaining his own sense of righteousness” (Wallace, p. 21). Projections of the shadow seem to be steps toward 1) internal death to the psyche. 2) the backsliding of one’s personal and psychological growth 3) the easy, selfish out from under the heavy burden of self.

I confess I have a very difficult list of things I currently struggle with that cause my most important relationships much difficulty. On that list is selfishness, impatience, judgement, and anger. It seems there is something so very deep inside me that causes me to be troublesome. These internal things kick and scream telling me lies that the world and evil has somehow convinced me of. I can’t help but think of the very real and deeply psychological (amazingly perceptive at the time) words of St. Paul:

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it” (Romans 7:15-20).

Life is not easy; there are no ifs, ands, or buts- life is very, very hard. We live in a world caked in misery, suffering, disappointment, hate, evil, and unfairness. There is well-founded truth to the proverbial saying, “nice guys finish last.” Further, many – nice, kind, meek, and humble – finish dead last or don’t have an opportunity to finish at all. The immediate following question comes to mind: “why try at all in this life?”

I suppose the truth may be found here: “to love oneself is to accept oneself – ‘just as I am,’ which, as an old evangelical hymn suggests, is the way God accepts us. Then, having accepted ourselves, we can accept others, just as they are. Then we can truly withdraw our projections. One is reminded of Jesus’ admonition, ‘Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye [or sister’s- sorry, T], but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?’ (Matt. 7:3) Jung said that all gaps in our actual knowledge are filed out with projections, to be conscious of the shadow to the extent that one knows that whatever is wrong in the world is in oneself. To learn to deal with one’s own shadow is to do something real for the world. Such a person, Jung said, ‘has succeeded in shouldering at least a infinitesimal part of the gigantic, unsolved social problems of our day.’ Jung saw the task of individuation as a process continuing throughout life. As we continue to withdraw projections, we continue to recognize and accept aspects of ourselves that we had not seen before” (p. 48, emphasis added).

It becomes more evident daily: there is not one solid, one-sentence easy catch phrase that encompasses the point of life. However, there are many little, powerful things each one of us can do that allow for a better world, and I must believe that, in some way, this is a part or whole of the purpose of this life. The process of knowing thy self is a very arduous and tender, aching, nasty, unpleasant procedure, at times- seemingly never-ending - and perhaps increasingly painful one. One thing, without fail, always leads to another and, I would argue, there seems to be a moment in time for each person when the question must be asked, “is it worth it!?! is this horrendous pain worth it!?!”

There may be some sliver of hope, or light, at the end of the tunnel. With self-awareness comes a new beginning and a eye-opening experience that may be too much for many to accept and live with. This actualization process leaves me personally wishing I were ignorant to the world and the many problems surrounding me; more importantly blind to my own personal issues. Ignorance is bliss, they say. For some strange reason, I must live veilless, without any unconscious, subconscious, or conscious garment covering my eyes and preventing me from encountering difficulty and truth. I know I have many, many problems.

“’Know thyself,’ Socrates taught. As a life moves toward a close (the ‘second half,’ as Jung calls it), the urgency to proceed with this kind of understanding increases. An individual who neglects this task or turns away from it- refusing to undertake the inward journey of understanding- begins to behave awkwardly, or may be troubled with an illness that no medicine seems to cure. Instead of becoming acquainted with the ‘woman within,’ for example, (the anima, as Jung called it), a man may find himself divorcing his wife of many years and chasing after other women. This is the literalistic, materialistic distortion of his own messages from the unconscious. It is an ineffective way of dealing with the problem of opposites” (p. 49).

What should we do? What is our responsibility as humans who roam this earth? Are we better off unaware ricocheting around in this life like a ball bearing bouncing around during a pinball game? What is the point and why does it seem only a select few of us are struggling with these weighted topics!?!

Know thyself, combat the shadow, obliterate the projections, and learn to live a life of meaning in the small things- that’s what we have! To look at anything larger than that may just be too much for such a small mind to wrestle with.

What are YOU willing to give up to know thyself?

Sources Cited:

Clift, Wallace B. (1986) Jung and Christianity, The Challenge of Reconciliation. The Crossroads Publishing Company, New York, New York.

Religiosity

2010-02-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

It was once shared from the mouth of Gandhi, “Religions are different roads converging upon the same point. What does it matter that we take different roads as long as we reach the same goal?”

During the genesis of my Christian faith, I was taught - and believed - that Christ was the only way to God, that Christianity was the truth and all other religions and versions of Christianity were erroneous or in absolute opposition to the true gospel. I believed that those who don’t adopt the belief system/ framework of Christianity will end up in Hell melting in the fiery heat for eternity. Today, I sincerely disagree.

I no longer believe we can fit God into a box, or in a book- even the Bible! It is my contention that American Christianity, organized Christianity, evangelical Christianity teach inaccurate doctrine; thus, leaving many – at least those who eventually crawl out of the coffin or fluffy religion – to feel betrayed, lied to, and in so many ways alone in a dark and ominous cloud of questions and doubt.

I speak with authority, for I am currently (and have been for the last couple years) precariously poised on the line between believer and non-believer in any version of Christianity. This mental dichotomy between Jesus and his son-of-God teachings and the very real mistakes, misquotes, misinterpretation, and seeming errors in text, which is the very thing we use to create our picture of God and the attributes He holds, feels like a continual ripping of a scab from my mental and emotional skin.

I can't seem to get a footing any longer in this belief system. Every attempt and firmly placing my heart, mind, or soul in a strong foothold of the soil of belief in God explodes underneath my feet when other, very real and powerful, truth comes crashing down from above. It seems truth has taken on a very different look this last couple years. There doesn’t seem to be any absolute truth nearby staring back at me as I look longingly.

Honestly, I wish I were completely free of any doubt or reason. I wish I were ignorant of wonder. I want a foundation; I want framework. However, I do realize things will get better. One day I will believe… in something.

Serendipity

2009-11-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

Currently I am coming to the closing of my second read-through of The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck, and, again, he’s painted a wonderful image and conveyed well this image of an elegant yet delicate illustration of serendipity, or “an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident. (dictionary.com)”

Peck’s conclusion, to which I heartily agree, clarifies for me the details of the periphery of happenstance or coincidence with reference to prayer; Peck’s understanding is far more beautiful and leaves room for the mind to wonder, dream, hope, and anticipate.

Within the last year, I’ve given up on many of the Christian-taught ideas on the topic of prayer; moreover, I’ve given up on the way I’ve seen and believed prayer/answer-to-prayer works. My divorced thoughts have left me believing all that happens to us or around us following a prayer is not answer to prayer; what we ‘’see’’ or ‘’notice’’ after we verbalize or vociferate a prayer is what we look for. We see what we want to see. Our minds create what we need to see. We, in some fashion or form, create the answer to prayer we are looking so eagerly for, sometimes having to add or subtract some element of the request to God due to the answer in front of us not exactly lining up with our original appeal. The “answer” could look drastically different. And, in order to make sense of this varying answer we must look at our prayer in a way that keeps God out from under the umbrella of blame, fault, or responsibility, or in some way appearing as he may be ignoring us; for example, perhaps the prayer we originally submitted wasn’t exactly what we “needed” but more what we “wanted” (that’s a common statement in the Christian community). Therefore, God can change it one way or the other in accordance to his “will,” and in order to keep us selfless and moving towards the direction of downward mobility, and in doing so, exonerates or absolves Him from blame when, if we look close enough, the prayer was not truly answered at all. But if our prayer wasn’t answered, what is the action in front of us? I see something, right?

I’ve been chalking much of these and ideas like these mentioned above to coincidence or happenstance (and sometimes to physiological need to hear our God speak or act); Peck calls it serendipity. What a much more poignant, potent, beautiful way of looking at the world of spirituality. Coincidence feels more personal superimposing the definition of serendipity atop it. This idea doesn’t give me the desire to thank God for whatever happens to “answer my prayer” but does give me hope and desire to take a deep breath and realize how fortunate I am: lucky, well-off, taken care of, protected, safe; I’ve got an amazing life – even on the worst day. And all the little serendipitous things I encounter along the path of life, I’ll stop, take a deep breath, and be thankful in the depth of my heart- my being; this is what I hope God wants of me- truly being thankful for the life I’m living. Not simply doing lip service by saying the words “thank you” but living a life that shout the words “I’m thankful to be alive! I am thankful for all that I have!”

Serendipity… roughly, the gift - beautiful gift- of an unsought, unsearched, much needed response to our hearts hope.

Today is a new day, new breath, new life, new opportunity; with new adventure and new hope.

Amen.

Why can’t we crawl out of the abyss we’ve created?

2009-07-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

I’ve recently been thinking quite a bit about the way we - Christians - behave, why, and what the reason is that we do the things we do. Amongst the many questions bouncing around in my head is the topic, why do we pray the way we pray? Where did we get the idea and picture of prayer? I can already see the rebuttal forming now: “It’s the way Jesus taught us to pray; it’s what is commanded of us in the Gospel; you are precariously leaning over the border toward heresy... careful Eric...”

I’m not quite sure I agree any longer with the idea that Jesus taught us or commanded us to pray a certain way (within reason, of course; he did outline an understanding of how certain prayer can work); furthermore, I would argue that prayer is used incorrectly and thought of in ways that create a erroneous picture of the Christ I believe works in and through this world; it seems to paint a portrait of Christ as a genie or cosmic vending machine where we somehow have convinced ourselves that we can have anything we ask of God. Additionally, when reality does hit and our prayers are apparently ignored there is a defense, a theodicy if you will, that removes God from being at fault or in any way blameworthy. “Ask and you shall receive”, right? So what must we believe if are prayers aren’t answered, if we seen ignored or forgotten? What happens when the parent we are praying for healing from cancer is not healed, but dies a very uncomfortable death?

Personally, I contend fully with the idea that we can pray for anything from God and truly, unsullied expect God to respond sending our way the desired response, object, or request. Why, oh why do we cause ourselves such pain? Why do we want so badly our God to be a genie? Why have we painted the picture that God does miracles all the time?

Could we have fabricated an idea or prayer based on what we want God to be as a god, how we want him to respond, and/or who we want God to be to us? What if the way we live our life is the most unadulterated, real, and pure prayer- what if much of prayer is completely nonverbal? If scripture does describe the God we follow, does God not undeniably know the real prayer of our hearts? For example, I’ve spend many hours of my life praying orally, thinking about many of the words I should say, thinking about the topics I should cover, making sure my words are eloquent and sharp, all the while stealthily communicating messages to the people I’m praying with, and making myself look articulate and well read.

What good is that!?! Do I honestly think God hears that inauthentic spouting off of words over the true cry of my heart, what my heart is saying below the surface of those superficial christiany words? No. I believe God hears those persuasive, smooth-tongued words and weeps, wanting so badly for me to connect to the spirit in real ways, sharing real feelings, and coming metaphorically naked before him. Enough! Enough. Enough. I desire to wholeheartedly connect to the heart of God whatever it takes. I want to know him, I want to hear him, I want to touch the inmost parts of my God!

I have been plagued with a mind that can’t unfussily accept the way things are... I want more, whether understanding or insight: I need more. I desperately want to grasp - to the best of my ability- the truth! I’m tired of the great dichotomy between what Christianity has become in America and what I think God desperately wants from us.

One of the many books I’m reading currently (oh, so many books to read and so little time to fit them all in) is Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli. For those who have read this book there may be many mixed feelings from topic-to-topic and/or overall on the subject of spirituality. However, truth does often come disguised as contrary to the way things are as we understand them.

All that to say, Yaconelli uses a story about his encounter with a woman he considered “a deeply spiritual lady..” who “..spent hundreds of weeks in silent retreat...saturated with her faith... you could almost smell God when she came into the room. (p.25)” During their conversation the topic of prayer floated across the table. Yaconelli mentioned his embarrassment to be sitting at a table with a person who spends so much time in prayer when he spends so little- barely ten minutes a week, to be exact.

The woman’s eyes burned with anger. She quickly reacted to his statement: “Oh, Mike, knock it off. First of all, you don’t spend every day with me. You don’t know me at all. You are comparing what you know about yourself to what you don’t know about me. Secondly, I battle depression daily, and it has won during several periods of my life. I never told you about it. I don’t have a family; I like to be alone and silent. Trust me, I am just as ‘spiritual’ as you are. (p.25)”

Directly following this rebuttal, the woman gently added, “You think about God all the time, right? Thinking about God is being with God. Being with God is spirituality. Thinking about God is praying. (p.25)”

Though, in my opinion, there is no one way to pray or is there an all encompassing form or prayer, this statement stands out as the most basic, however loaded, way to connect through prayer to God, yet I feel we attempt earnestly to clutter and complicate prayer and the spiritual life. What if our life is our prayer and faith and hope come with the faith that we don’t need to convince God of anything through our prayers but simply trust with faith that our life’s prayer is being heard, that God will do with us the best thing for his children and our relationship with him? What if we could cut out a lot of the theatrics and figuratively and/or literally drop to our knees in front of Jesus?

What if?

What is Truth?

2009-04-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

Does the question ever cross your mind: what is truth? It seems like a pointless and intrusive question, right? This question and many more have crawled across my mind many times the last few months as I attempt to put the very disarranged pieces of life’s puzzle together in my heart, mind, and soul. Relative truth seems like a luxury I can no longer afford to invest in. I will claim, overall, that ignorance is superb bliss, whereas real growth comes through the deconstruction of our relative truth and enrichment through enlightenment due to the shattering of ignorance.

It’s my belief we all grow up with our own personal, relative version of truth; socialization, life experience, family raising and background, questions and struggles, religion, and education all play an important role in determining our idea of absolute truth. We all seem to be disabled by our biases and preconceived notions when coming to any table for discussion or debate over what truth actually is. One example is how we all enter the Bible (if, in fact, you do read the Bible): we all stare earnestly into the same text and somehow interpret and understand passages in immensely different ways, often standing boldly on our understanding of certain passages or teachings, and often maintaining our personal accuracy or correctness. Why do we claim to know the truth; the truth that is the absolute truth; the truth that is not the truth someone else claims while belonging to some other god, some other religion, but our version of the truth?

I guarantee I’m not the first person to wonder what truth really is (actually, Socrates from 477-399 BCE loved to struggle through similar questions. He was known to ask abstract questions like, “What is beauty?” “What is Goodness?” and so on), and if I can know what it is, how do I know that what I call ‘real truth’ is truth at all? Frankly, what I vociferate as truth someone else will dispute; what one calls truth another calls fiction. Each view is respectfully relative to the particular person or group claiming said truth. In many cases, we develop truth based on our desire, gathered from various places or teachings and morally relative to what we believe truth should be. We will not agree on truth; we will never agree because we do not concur with one another; we are right, and they are wrong.

When asked the very question ‘what is truth’, Paul Copan, PH.D. stated, “I think people instinctively understand that truth is a belief, story, ideal, or statement that matches up with reality or corresponds to the way things really are.” Copan continues with this example: “If I say the moon is made of cheese, that’s false because there isn’t a correspondence, or a match-up, with the way things really are… Something is true – or corresponds to reality – even if people don’t believe it” (The Case for the Real Jesus, 2007, p.453). Coplan’s argument includes the idea of antiquity that if one were to travel far enough s/he would reach the end of the earth and could possible fall off- a true belief at one point. Does this mean that at that time the earth was flat because people believed it was? Was absolute truth at that time, with minimal cartography, and no real perspective on the earth correct? Apparently not! It’s always been round, whether this was known and believed as truth or not. Simply because we don’t have perspective and understanding on a particular topic or issue does not imply we are seeing truth.

Believe it or not, truth is truth whether people acknowledge it or not. It doesn’t lack to be truth because it’s not accepted. Truth is truth even in situations when no one knows it’s truth- whether they want to believe it or not. Unfortunately, all around us truth has become a whatever-works-for-you mentality leaving no room for authentic truth but subjective personal truth; this specific following has been deemed by scholars as moral relativism, or more closely individualist ethical subjectivism.

Circling back to the point: what is truth? The Bible unmistakably states in John 14.6 that Jesus is the truth. Written throughout the synoptic Gospel and John we see the running theme that Jesus - the Son of God - is the truth. His way is the way. What does that say for Buddhists, Muslims, Mormons and other religions claiming to know the truth; are Christians’ right and all other religions wrong? Are Christians wrong and Mormons right? Are…. Someone is right; consequently, the remaining few are wrong.

Thus far I have claimed that it is improbable, moreover, impossible for all religions to be right; therefore, if we stand fixed on the idea there is a God- a Creator, there can only be one truth. There cannot be numerous truths.

Who’s right? We all claim absolute certainty we stand firmly on the one belief that is truth? What must we do when we do realize what absolute truth is? Or, what if someone we love doesn’t agree with our version of truth?

You tell me.

Believing that or believing in?

2009-02-16T12:15:00.000-08:00

It’s rather strange the things I doubt, the reasons for my skepticism. I don’t have trouble with the fact that Jesus was the incarnate; I don’t struggle with the idea that Jesus is the son of God who was sent to earth; I don’t doubt who Jesus was and is, as well as who God is; I don’t wonder how or if Jesus was raised from the dead; I don’t question if Jesus has the power to heal, save, or change a person’s life; I don’t debate that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light, that he came to die on a cross to die for our sins. I don’t have any reservations about these things. Strangely, these are the facts that are easy for me to stand on.

What I do absolutely and without hesitancy argue includes everything else: all facts, irregularities, Aramaic, Greek, and Hebrew to English translations, differences in language and culture, biblical stories and contradictions, miracles, prayer, how and if God works, what he really expects of us, the Western church movement, religion and anything else that the word Christianity and it’s beliefs entails.

Honestly, I don’t think I’m in a horrible place with my faith. I surely doubt much of the beliefs so many of us profess every Sunday without question. I confess I believe much of the behavior and ritual we all perform regularly are creations of the Western Church, much of which we could all go without. But, overall I would conclude that there is some meaning to this madness that God is doing something in and through this mess I would call my life. Though I am not the only person in history to struggle- scratch that word choice- flounder in my faith, I do think there is a bit of a difference in the depth of my questioning and searching that may have not been present in many other believers quests.

I hope my quest doesn’t leave me following some mythical creature over Christ or worshiping a shrine of pictures cut out from magazines of TV soap actors instead of Yahweh, but in order to grow deeper in understanding of God I must reach to the depths of this sea of questions and trust that there is something under this weighted mass of questions and doubts that is worth the uncomfortable, faith compromising battle.

An author I am growing increasingly interested in is Brian D. McLaren. Many may know Brian for A new kind of Christian, written about the controversial topic of the postmodern church movement. I would assume many have conjectured that Brian is undoubtedly and without question off his rocker with regard to the way church should change with time. Some might even think McLaren is an enemy to the church.

All this to say that in reading through another of McLaren’s books, The Secret Message of Jesus, I read the following quote and conclude his sentiments parallel mine and my current chapter of life.

“Now believing in this sense is not primarily believing that. It is more a matter of believing in, which presupposes the most important things that one might believe anyway. It’s not simply believing this or that about God; it’s believing in God, or perhaps simply believing God with the kind of interpersonal confidence one has when saying, ‘I believe in my spouse.’ Equally, it’s not simply believing this or that about the good news of the kingdom; it’s believing in or having confidence in the good news of the kingdom” (McLaren, 2006, p. 108-109).

I maintain that I struggle with the details of the Scripture, from Genesis to Revelation, but I unequivocally believe in God and his son, Jesus Christ. I believe in God; I believe in Jesus. Sadly, I don’t know what to believe anymore about God; this is the voyage I am currently on. I believe in the good news. Unfortunately, I don’ t know what the details of the good news is anymore; these are the questions I’m asking.

In conclusion, I can no longer blindly believe in the things that have been passed down from church generation to church generation. I need more, I want to see the church come back to life and leave the dying ways in which it once lived. I suppose I might just be cursed.

Mclaren goes on to say, “How much must you believe? Is your believing disqualified if you have X number of doubts? These questions haunt all of us who are blessed and/or cursed with a highly reflective nature..”(McLaren, 2006, p. 109). I suppose at some point in our lives following Christ we must all ask the difficult questions about the details of our faith. I would argue that in avoiding any questioning or wondering in hope that you will avoid floundering as I am, you profess a faith you don’t completely comprehend and/or understand but walk blindingly without the strength gained from the “faith struggle” period of life. I encourage everyone to doubt.

In the hope that Christ will speak,
Amen.

McLaren, Brian. (2006). The Secret Message of Jesus: uncovering the truth that could change everything. W Publishing Group. Nashville, Tennessee.

Apathy

2009-02-11T20:20:00.000-08:00

I used to think apathetic was a kind of lazy excuse people used because they wanted to do their own thing and not follow Christ. As of late, as I become more apathetic myself and befriend the feelings and emotions that are married to the word, I understand that apathy is simply a response to the desire to disconnect from the christiany words, ideas, and phrases that I’ve heard numerous times and am growing tired of. I suppose for everyone there is a time in life when everything they hear through the American Western church is tired, redundant and seemingly lifeless. I personally don’t want to hear the same old stuff anymore. Rituals and understanding we created as a country and inserted into the Christian church movement are dead to me. I want fresh, real and authentic appreciation. I want to break away as fast as possible from the Americanized church!.

I believe apathy, if planted correctly, is the seed that grows into new discovery.

Everything I thought to be true is currently in question. Every and all Christian behaviors once carried out under the understanding that I’m obeying God and doing what He desires of me don’t make much sense any longer. If anything, it all seems so hopelessly pointless. Am I going through the motions because that’s the teaching I’ve received from my interactions with Jesus or because that’s the way the institutional church does it?

If I were to rank myself on a spectrum from skeptic to devout Christian follower, I would undoubtably mark myself as a skeptic. Looking back over the last few weeks and months I’m not able to plainly see any reason why this questioning, wondering, and doubting has occurred. I can’t put my finger on anything; it makes no sense.

I went from trusting, believing, and understanding quickly to doubting, questioning, and loss of all understanding, with a side of complete dissatisfaction. Is there a cure to this spiritual ailment or must I accept my new identity as a doubtful skeptic?

I don’t want to be in this place. I want to be free of all this, content with the truth I was presented with years ago. But I can’t choose exactly where or what I am, I simply respond to situations I’m presented with the best I can with the information at hand, and at this time in my life this is where I am.

I do not understand why I doubt. For what I want to believe I can’t believe. And if I doubt and question, I agree that the truth has to be good. As it is, it is no longer my trust in Christ, but my trust in my cognitive, analytical abilities. When I want to simply believe, analyzing and intelligence manifest itself in doubt right there with me.

Deep within me I trust who God is, who Jesus is, and the message they both own. But everything in my being screams, “much of this doesn’t make any sense; there are questions that deserve response!?!” Apathy and I are now very close friends, dependent on one another for this current chapter of life.

At this point in time the remedy for this cold is not doing more, getting more involved, or blindly continuing spiritual disciplines... NO! Every moment I spend going through the motions is a moment of disgust with the Western church’s understanding that I want no part of.

Have mercy on me Lord, but please speak!

What- no more Manna and Quail in 2009?

2009-01-25T16:24:00.000-08:00

“A two-year drought, coming on top of widespread poverty, production disruptions and depleted food reserves, has plunged Southern Africa into its most serious food emergency in at least a decade. Nearly 16 million people in seven countries are at risk of starvation by the end of this year. Unless urgent measures are taken soon, cautions the World Health Organization, as many as 50,000 lives a month could be lost to malnutrition and disease” (Fleshman, 2002).

We live in a world where starvation and hunger are critical issues all over the developed and undeveloped parts of the globe, though primarily in the latter. The statistics are heartbreaking:

• 923 million people across the world are hungry and dying (Briefing Paper Hunger on the Rise, 2008). 

• Every five seconds a child dies from hunger-related causes equaling around 16,000 children per day (Black, Morris, & Bryce, 2003). 

• In 2005, almost 1.4 billion people lived below the international poverty line, earning less than $1.25 per day (Global Purchasing Power, 2008).

These are all God’s children suffering and dying because of lack of food, which manifests itself in chronic undernourishment and vitamin or mineral deficiencies. These deficiencies cause stunted growth, weakness and heightened susceptibility to illness, and ultimately, death (Are we on track to end hunger?, 2004).

These facts and the idea that many of God’s children are suffering in ways that lead to horrendous and uncomfortable deaths does beg the question: why is God not supplying them with the nourishment they need?

You may be forming a response to that question in your mind right now. It probably sounds similar to these: God uses his Body around the world to care for the poor and needy- we are God’s hands and feet- "Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?" (James 2:15-16) Or, another may be they are being punished for their sins (though this would be a difficult pill for me to swallow).

I do believe we are called to aggressively care for our brothers and sisters around the world, and I also understand that many of us are actively pursuing these ends through whatever means we have available, but the question still looms overhead: why is God not supplying them with the nourishment they need?

During the Exodus, God is quoted saying to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people with gather enough for the day” (16:4), “I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites... At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God. (16:12)” God goes on to provide Manna and Quail for those with Moses. Moses, during what seems like a difficult conversation with his followers says, “You will know that it was the Lord when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him” (16:8).

I will draw the conclusion, then, that the Israelites grumbled, moaned, and cried out to God for nourishment- food, sustenance. They prayed according to his will and he heard them, and if they knew that he heard them, they knew they would have what they asked for (1 John 5:14), and they did. God’s response was providing them with Manna and Quail for six days straight! The only stipulation was that the people must gather what they can eat in one day and not an ounce more.

Due to the Israelites greed, they did, in fact, gather more than their daily needs. What they didn’t eat was kept in secret until the next day, but when they returned to their hidden treasure it was covered with maggots and was uneatable- whoops.

We see another example with Jesus in the Gospel. After Jesus withdrew by boat to spend time alone, he arrived at shore where large crowds of followers were waiting. The dialogue between Jesus and his disciples went like this:

“As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, ‘This is a remote place, and it's already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.’

Jesus replied, ‘They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.’

‘We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,’ they answered.

Bring them here to me,’ he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children” (Matthew 14:15-21).

Two great examples of how God can provide food for his people.

Seeing the hand of God work so intimately with the Israelites and the followers of Jesus shows his care and ability for his children across the board from the Old Testament to the New. His word claims dozens of times throughout how much he cares for his people. Making it clear that I can and never will understand the mind of God and knowing that he works intermittently, almost arbitrarily, and in strange ways that I can’t comprehend, I voice that I am struggling with the idea that he has provided nourishment for his people during the Exodus and in the Gospel but doesn’t -at least in any apparent and dramatic way- provide food or his people now.

The argument against this can’t be that this happened in the Old Testament/ covenant and when the New Testament/ covenant was created his desire and/or ability to noticeably distribute food dissolved. I can’t wrap my heard around the idea that the New Testament, filled with Jesus' love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness -especially towards the poor and needy- blocks God’s hand from raining down Manna and Quail for those in countries where kids are dying in the tens of thousands per day.

I don’t think that the free-will argument works here. I suppose we could claim that the dictators, leaders, and government in many of these undeveloped countries made the free will decision to hoard all supplies provided by others, like the U.S., to their particular area for themselves, thus removing any possibility of their people having their basic food and water needs met. I can understand that ones free will to do what’s best for themselves effects the surrounding community. I even understand that, fundamentally, whoever is in charge of many of these governments are not working with their eyes set on Jesus, or any ethical value system in place whatsoever.

I don’t think that the good-things-come-out-of-bad-circumstances argument works here either. What’s that look like: God had to allow these 50,000 people in Africa to die of dysentery or malnutrition because we Americans needed some cause to serve as followers of Christ? I don’t know if that sits well with me. I understand that from bad events can come great, amazing, God inspired things, but that doesn’t answer the very real question posed. It’s not about looking at the positive that comes from the negative; it’s about asking why God IS NOT providing - as the examples are set in Scripture - for his loving children who are in need.

Finally, the big-picture argument doesn’t cut it. I do believe God is in complete control of what is going on here on earth. I would argue that God does have the “big picture” of what has, is, and will be in his sight. I guess I would liken it to a large jig-saw puzzle. God created the puzzle so he knows when it’s fully constructed what it looks like. Unfortunately, we’ve all lost the box the puzzle came in so we’re just seeing one piece at a time. When we meet God, we too will see the big picture. But, I think it’s an easy out to say the issue at hand will be explained when we see the big picture (understand that I do realize it will click when we have this clarity but it’s a cop-out).

As Western Americans who have been born into mostly lower middle class up to high-class households we find it easy to say that this issue will be understood as the big picture is presented to us in Heaven. But if we were living in parts of the world where 16,000 of us were dying every day I would dare to say we wouldn’t simply accept this as fact. We would be asking some really difficult questions of our Creator. “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of the Father. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (Matthew 10:29). What does that mean for hundreds of thousands of dying children across the globe- are they not worth more than a penny?

Any of these arguments could be used but I would conclude they are a cop-out to the answer of why God has not responded to his people in desperate need.

If my god is ignoring thousands upon thousands of people grumbling, moaning, and crying out to him for food, water, life... begging for nourishment so they may live for him and his glory...laying, dying on a dusty floor, covered in flies, energy-less, hopeless as their internal workings- their organs- eat themselves in an attempt to survive a day longer... I don’t know if I want follow for that god. I don’t know exactly how to find peace in this; there has to be some explanation. Should I simply close my eyes and pretend this question isn’t right in front of me? Obviously I should be a part of the effort to help, but does that remove the wonder?

I will continue to look for answers and hope along the way I may find a glimpse into the why of what is happening around the globe. I have reservations with a defense against such a horrendous and clear disregard for the needs of God’s people. I might simply have to concede that there are no answers to why God ignores the physical needs of his children. Being a man that wants to know how things work, it is very difficult for me to be without an answer. Overall, I must remember that my finite mind can’t understand an infinite God, but is that enough?

Sources Cited:

Are We On Track To End Hunger? Hunger Report 2004. Bread for the World Institute. 2004.

Briefing Paper Hunger on the Rise: Soaring Prices Add 75 Million People to Global Hunger Rolls. Food and Agriculture Organization. 17 September 2008.

Global Purchasing Power Parities and Real Expenditures. The World Bank. 2005 International Comparison Program. August 2008.

Black, Robert, Morris, Saul, & Jennifer Bryce. Where and Why Are 10 Million Children Dying Every Year? The Lancet 361:2226-2234. 2003.

Millions threatened with starvation. Africa Recovery, Vol. 16 #2-3. September 2002.

Blank Pages:

2009-01-11T23:49:00.000-08:00

Life doesn’t always turn out the way we picture it in our minds when growing up. Often times, it looks completely opposite of what we picture in our minds- a distant relative. Additionally, our worth does not come from the education we have, money we make, car we drive, or house we live in. Our importance doesn’t come from the friends we have or the groups we run with.

Life continues to amaze me. There are no easy answers. There is not an uncluttered path to walk from birth to death. We are all on the crazy ride of our lifetime. We’re writing on the blank pages of the unwritten chapters or our life stories, and waiting for them to be published.

And, here’s the question: When you are old and gray, sitting in your favorite leather recliner chair, sharing your life’s memories with your grand children, what kind of life do you want to have lived? What kind of stories do you want to be able to share? Stories of the things you could have done but didn’t, or stories of experiences and adventures you did do.

Would you like to be able to say you had a nice car, great house, huge salary, expensive clothes... or is there more? Adventures, life-altering struggles, pain that lead to growth, excitement, sadness, love, broken heart; what kind of life you do want to have lived?

Our time on this earth is short- there are no guarantees! I, for one, want to get up and move; I want to explore the world; I want to smile; I want to cry; I want to worship; I want to see the snow capped mountains of Nepal; I want to see the untouched corners of the world; I want to dog-sled through Greenland; I want to camp in the most remote areas of the earth; I want to grow in amazing understanding of who Christ is; I want to raise kids (and bring them in the mountains); I want to struggle; I want to fall just to get up again; I want to share my experiences; I want to be a good friend; I want to be a great husband; I want to grow old; I want to die; I want to meet Jesus; I want to be remembered.

What do you want your life’s story to look like?

Monstrous Trust

2008-12-31T20:12:00.001-08:00

Trust is an interesting concept. In many ways it seems to be an easy way out from underneath real understanding or a possible crutch. The question runs through my mind almost constantly: can we truly, genuinely, and with life changing results trust God with every and all things?

I’m perplexed by many of my brothers and sisters when throwing around the words, “just trust God... trust, man; just trust.” I completely grasp the idea being communicated to me but often get stuck with how simple they make it sound. Maybe it’s just me, but It’s not that easy! Maybe it’s easier for some over others. Maybe I’m in the minority here. It’s not easy to simply trust God: not doubt, not worry, not attempt to control, not do what I think is best, not rely on my abilities and mind. Trust is a five letter word that weighs close to a thousand pounds.

The Webster dictionary defines trust in two significant ways:

1) Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

  and  

2) Acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation.

These two definitions stand out to me. Why? Because when looking through the lens of a lover and follower of Christ, I can’t help but see how these two statements essentially define my faith walk.

I believe it is important to note that in regard to number one above, Christ, God, and the Bible come to mind. As for number two, though we -as followers of Christ- do have significant evidence and we should be investigating and asking real questions of God, Christ, Scripture, and life’s events, we ultimately have to accept the foundational truth of the Gospel- Geneses to Revelation.

What would life be like if we could live simply under the umbrella of trust and faith without a moment of doubt or worry? Though I value highly the desire and ability to question the “facts” of Scripture and life, at some point, even with all the knowledge and understanding we humans can attain, we must simply believe and trust the word and promises of God. The transition from understanding and knowledge to trusting, living, and walking in faith and truth is a tough one. There is no simple path.

Scripture tells us to,

*“Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight” (Proverbs 3:5)  

*“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:3-4) 

*“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid” (Psalm 56:3-4) 

*“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me [Jesus]” (John 14:1)

Keeping these truths in mind, there is a story that sticks out in my heart- it’s the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the book of Daniel. These three men went against the government, law, tradition, and the system (Daniel 3:1-30), with the knowledge and understanding that king Nbuchadnezzar would be thoroughly unhappy with them and put them to death. They trusted in the Lord, waited patiently for Him, and walked boldly against what was incorrect or wrong in reverence and honor and glorification of God. The outcome: God blessed them for their trust.

“Then Nebuchadnezzar said, ‘Praise be to God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their God” (Daniel 3:28).

Their ability to trust baffles me. I understand it, but it’s beyond my comprehension the faith required. The willingness to be put to death in a furnace that was heated seven times hotter that normal (Daniel 3: 19), in one of the most - in my opinion- horrible ways possible to die, simply baffles me. These three guys had enough trust in God’s promises to make the statement, “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king...” They don’t stop with the simple fact that God is going to rescue them. What statements they continue with show their ability to understand real, difficult, heartbreaking life as well. They go on to say, “But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your god or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3:17-18). Yahtzee!

Incredible trust and faith! Their trust and faith was not based on the idea that they WERE going to be saved from the furnace or that in any way God was going to show up how they thought he should; their trust and faith was realistic- it was based on their belief that whatever happened God was going to walk beside them through it all. The outcome wasn’t guaranteed to be anything close to being saved from the furnace or not being killed all together.

Similarly, our trust doesn’t mean things are going to turn out the way we want or think they should. The picture many of us carry around in our minds of what life looks like- what job we should have, our financial situation, our spouse, where we live, our retirement fund, etc.- is certainly not the life you are going to live or what God has planned for us, but it does mean that God will walk beside us though everything and he will comfort, stretch, and grow us in ways that bring his name in the light and bring us to a place of deeper spiritual maturity.

Spiritual maturity comes in many ways, shapes, and forms. Real trust shows real maturity. I confess my inability to trust, often wanting to trust myself over the things I know to be truth and relying on God’s promises. When I pray about any particular thing, I often pray for clarity. I pray that things would be clear to me, that I would have an unambiguous, clear-cut, understandable picture as to what move I should make or direction I should take. The truth is, praying for clarity is not trusting. Praying for clarity is asking to be in control of whatever we need clarity on, wanting to understand the outcome instead of faithfully trusting that whatever the outcome, God’s in complete control.

In the book Ruthless Trust (2000) Brennan Manning shares a story that I believe speaks directly to this. It’s a story about ethicist John Kavanaugh and Mother Teresa when they met years back. Kavanaugh was on a three month visit to ‘the house of the dying’ in Calcutta while simultaneously seeking answers to what he should do with the rest of his life. During his first day there, Mother Teresa approached him and asked what she could do for him during his stay. Without a moments thought Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him. The remaining dialogue went like this:

“‘What do you want be to pray for?’ she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States: ‘Pray that I have clarity.’

She said firmly, ‘No, I will not do that.’ When he asked her why, she said, ‘Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.’ When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, ‘I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.’"

What a poignant, powerful reminder of the need to trust the promises of the God we claim to worship. Manning (2000) went on to say, “The first [clarity] is a matter of the head, the second [trust] a matter of the heart. The first can leave us unchanged, the second intrinsically brings change” (p. 6).

In conclusion, there is absolutely no easy way to trust; there is no formula for trust; there is no head knowledge trust; there is no pill we can take that will allow us to trust; there is no self-help book that will allow us to trust. It’s a matter of faith; it’s a matter of truth. We can only understand trust by trusting, by seeing what God does with our trust.

“Put trust in God first. Our Lord never put His trust in any person. Yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, and never lost hope for anyone, because He put His trust in God first. He trusted absolutely in what God’s grace could do for others. If I put my trust in human beings first, the end result will be my despair and hopelessness toward everyone. I will become bitter because I have insisted that people be what no person can ever be- absolutely perfect and right. Never trust anything in yourself or in anyone else, except the grace of God” (Chambers).

Repression's Ghost

2008-12-27T14:04:00.000-08:00

Life is a ongoing process of learning about ourselves, the world surrounding us, and the Almighty God, and how He relates to us, all the while excepting our brokenness and embracing the love and grace of Jesus. Throughout my personal pursuit of life’s answers I’ve spent significant time investigating the psychology of humans and the relationship between childhood, early adolescence, and early adulthood up-and-to full adulthood. Currently, I am pondering Even farther along the road less traveled, by Dr. Scott Peck (1993), who writes about the ghost of our young lives’ repression of memories we’ve blocked out, consciously or subconsciously. Peck goes on to say unaddressed childhood issues which have been repressed manifest themselves as ghosts of our past here now in the future, poking their head out in our lives at the most inappropriate times and causing our behavior to be dictated by forgotten past memories.

We may not realize or remember the experience or experiences which were repressed of any particular event or period of time, but these things- or the repression of these things- deeply affects us here in the present, every and all days we continue to live. I see the signs of repression in others around me and I tremble for them; I see the possibility of this in myself and I cringe for fear of the absolute unknown in my life.

“It is possible to push a memory of something that happened to us out of our consciousness. We cannot consciously remember it, but it doesn’t go away when we do this. In fact, it becomes a ghost that haunts us and makes things worse than if we remembered it...

It is possible, for instance, for woman who have been repeatedly sexually molested- week after week after week for a period of two or three years by their fathers or step fathers- to actually forget that. They can’t even remember that it even happened, because they have repressed it. But these woman end up in therapy, usually because the relationships they are trying to form with men in their lives are abominable. That early experience, which they cannot remember, continues to haunt them” (Peck, 1993, p.45-46).

The idea that many of us are carrying wounds around with us day in-and-out without conscious knowledge of these wounds, with actions and behavior being highly influenced by them, with continual negative life events and experiences affected due to them brings me to my knees in tears because many are missing out on real, tangible, life changing healing.

Is there a fix for each of us? Are we addressing our issues, our past? Are we getting the help we need? Are we walking boldly into healable wounds or are we walking away from them and disregarding them in fear?

I understand many of us are scared to open our can of worms- many horrible memories still affecting us to this day. We fear the unknown. We’ve ignored or repressed the past, we’ve been able to forget. Shouldn’t we just move on?

I don’t think any of us have truly forgotten. I don’t think it’s about forgetting. Even when it comes to forgiving another, scripture doesn’t tell us to forget. The old American adage “forgive and forget” is incorrect. There may be a wrong, there may be something to forgive, but it’s not about forgetting- it’s not about suppressing, it’s about addressing. It’s about being authentic and real while looking honestly at the wound. Are we walking a path towards healing? Is it time to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus into the unknown of our past- I believe it is.

Repressing consciously or unconsciously our past has detrimental effects on our present and future. Our enemy - the devil- hides in the shadows waiting. He’s waiting to pounce. What he would like the most is for us to pretend everything is OK, to continue to stumble around fixable wounds, to move on without fully understanding our lives and what has made us the way we are. Conversely, I believe our loving Father-God wants us to honestly and truly walk in the freedom of Christ, and it’s my believe that understanding and bringing healing to our past allows us to worship, love, care for, show mercy, forgive, and live for Christ in the present in a more complete and whole fashion.

The enemy wins when we don’t claim the truth, walk in the light, and open the door to our past while Jesus holds us tight, affirming softly that “everything is going to be OK, we are going to do this together.”

I would argue that many of us neglect the need for help for we don’t believe we are worthy of being helped, possibly we don’t feel important or loved, or there are simply too many issues to wade through. God’s truth, however, speaks louder than the external propagandized voice many of us have heard since birth. We are the Beloved of the living God!

As followers of Christ we walk in a cloud of constant bombardment of negative words and ideas pitched to us by the enemy as he roams around trying to knock us off our path of healing. We are living in a world that screams, “You are no good, you are ugly, you are worthless, despicable, you are nobody.” With these words often working diligently to drown out the Spirit whispering in our ear, we are of course going to ignore our need for better self love and understanding.

But the truth speaks louder than this negativity. Luckily, there is a much louder, softer, warmer, and welcoming voice within us all. The voice of Jesus.

Are you going to venture into the unknown with Jesus? There is healing, there is new life. You are the Beloved. You are worthy of a new beginning. You are dearly loved. Walk boldly.

References:

Nouwen, H. (1992). Life of the Beloved. New York, New York: Crossroads publishing.

Peck, S. M. (1993). Further along the road less traveled. New York, New York: Touchstone publishing.

Try Christmas Different this year

2008-12-05T18:35:00.001-08:00

Captions Included

2008-11-29T12:22:00.000-08:00

I am often perplexed by my constant desire to lie. These lies are not lies about wealth, size of my home, type of car I drive, or any of the objects that much of our society gauges its value on, but lies by omission, leaving out details that I have deemed make me less than what God promises I am, concluding that if listeners hear detailed truth they may paint an inaccurate picture of who I am.

Oswald Chambers writes, “Another thing that distracts us is our passion for vindication. St. Augustine prayed, ‘O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself.’ Such a need for constant vindication destroys our soul’s faith in God. Don’t say, ‘I must explain myself,’ or ‘I must get people to understand.’ Our Lord never explained anything- He left the misunderstandings or misconceptions of others to correct themselves (My Utmost for His Highest, 1995, p. Nov 23).

What if, instead of trying to add captions to all the truths of who I am in a way that gives definition to the “why” or “what” I’m doing or not doing in life at this current season, I simply tell the truth of where God has me currently, and if people judge, misunderstand, or misconceive, like Jesus, I’ll let others correct themselves. And that will be that.

mann

God's Politics

2008-11-03T21:12:00.001-08:00

Outlawing the Symptom: Our Broken Abortion Strategy
by Matthew Dunbar 11-03-2008

Every election year the urgent call to vote our evangelical pro-life values is sent out to all the faith. Yet this imperative isn’t reflected in the record of the officials given the mandate to end abortion in this country. Nor does the court-centric strategy reflect the very real complexities of the issue.

Since the early 1980s, the only strategy adopted to tackle the problem has been to elect Republican presidents every four years to appoint conservative justices to the Supreme Court. This strategy is based on the false belief that overturning Roe v. Wade would outlaw abortion. The truth is much more complicated.

Overturning Roe v. Wade would only shift the onus onto the states. As a result, the strategy would shift from a federal focus to a state-by-state strategy, which would require electing conservative governors, legislatures, and justices to create new individual state laws. Not only would this strategy take unknown years to accomplish, but its effectiveness is highly questionable.

States that attempt to pass restrictive abortion legislation already tend to have low abortion rates. Larger states, where the majority of abortions take place, are far less likely to pass restrictive laws. In addition, individuals can also cross state lines. Thus, Roe v. Wade’s demise would result in a minimal reduction in the actual abortion rate.

The question still remains: Do those elected to fight for the rights of the unborn truly work to change the laws, or have they simply used the issue to galvanize Christian collective action every four years? History shows the rhetoric doesn’t match the record.

For example, the Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003, which effectively banned a procedure used in late-term abortion, is commonly touted as a victory for the pro-life movement. In truth, by banning a single procedure rather than the practice of late-term abortions themselves, the procedure is merely replaced by others that may be more dangerous for the woman. The net result is a reduction of potentially zero abortions.

Also, when Justice Samuel Alito was appointed to the Supreme Court, the pro-life movement considered it a major victory. However, from January 2006 when Alito was sworn in to January 2007 when the Democrats took control of Congress, the “pro-life” Republican Party held control of all three branches of the U.S. government; Roe v. Wade was not overturned and no major legislation was passed.

As an evangelical who believes life begins before birth, I believe our presumed party alliance has become an abusive relationship. If we as followers of Christ truly believed in the agenda of life, why have we not taken seriously the proven correlation between poverty and increased abortion rates? Why have we not spoken out on supportive health care for women and children? Why have we not cried out about preventative education to minimize unplanned pregnancies that frequently lead to termination? And why, oh why, do we not see war, torture, creation care, or the death penalty also as fundamental issues of life?

The question is, will evangelicals expand their understanding of social influences and actually work towards healing the causes, or just wait around to outlaw the symptom?

Confirmation!

2008-10-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

"It is not enough to try to imitate Christ as much as possible; it is not enough to remind others of Jesus; it is not enough to be inspired by the words and actions of Jesus Christ. No, the spiritual life presents us with a far more radical demand: to be living Christs here and now, in time and history."
-The Selfless Way of Christ, Henri Nouwen

Vote Republican?

2008-09-27T13:10:00.000-07:00

Being more important than doing?

2008-09-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

Is being more important than doing? I’ve been reading one of Henry Nouwen’s masterpieces titled Adam, written during and after Nouwen’s time at L’Arche assisted living facility. Adam was a young 22 year old in desperate need of a “helper” to assist him in the little details of life. Tasks such as getting out of bed, cleaning and washing, getting dressed, transportation, and all other things that go along with living. Amongst the many things Adam had trouble with, one was that he couldn’t speak. He was unable to communicate through words with those around him, which made it unquestionably difficult for him to live within community.

One of the most present people around Adam was Henry Nouwen. Nouwen writes about the amazing nonverbal impact Adam had in his life during his time living life with Adam. Something that literally jumps off the page and smacks readers in the mouth speaks into the truth of the core of who we are, and what we are all so desperate in trying to prove to one another, society and culture as a whole.

“‘Being is more important than doing.’ While I [Nouwen] was preoccupied with the way I was talked about or written about, Adam was quietly telling me that ‘God’s love is more important than the praise of people.’ While I was concerned about my individual accomplishments, Adam was reminding me that ‘doing things together is more important than doing things alone.’ Adam couldn’t produce anything, had no fame to be proud of, couldn’t brag of any award or trophy. But by his life, he was the most radical witness to the truth of our lives that I ever encountered.” -Adam, 1996.

I 100% concur with Nouwen’s sentiments; he’s right on- being is more important than doing. How many of us constantly strive to “make a name for ourselves?” I would conclude that most of us- at some point- have tried or are actively trying to have our name carry some sort of performance, achievement, or ability weight.

What would it look like if we were not looking to make a name for ourselves, but lived under the giant umbrella of God’s truth in who we are? What would life look like if we were not attempting to put our name above God’s?

I believe our thoughts would echo Adam and Nouwen’s. I would argue that God’s love is more important than the praise of people, yet we hopelessly attempt to gain others' opinions before God’s (maybe because it's tangible). And, in that argument I would pose the question: why do we all so desperately want to appease the people around us over or before God?

Let’s live together in community, lifting one another up in love, all the while living under that wonderful umbrella of God’s love- we are dearly and deeply loved by our Father. We are His beloved. Please let no voice speak louder than the voice of our God.

Being is more important than doing.

Amen.

Making Decisions:

2008-09-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

We analyze. It seems to be in our human nature to break things down to easy-to-understand chunks of information so we can then wrap our heads around it. Many of our brains function in a way that forces us to look at things from every and all perspectives, which at times can drive us nuts. Even with simple things like choosing one direction over another, by the time we’ve made a decision, we’ve processed the thing from every angle.

When faced with a life-decision, we’ve all heard others tell us that opening the Bible and reading a few verses will supply us with whatever answer we’re searching for. For some things this may be true. If we were to wonder what the covenant of marriage should look like we may see the answers parked throughout the gospel from Genesis to Revelation, painting a pretty good picture of marriage.

But what about the thousands of decisions the Bible doesn’t clearly speak to? Life is filled with decisions we’re to make that will either break us or build us up. Is either wrong, or can both be used to stretch and mold us into Christ’s image?

Where do we find the answers to the questions of life if they aren’t clearly written in the Word? I don’t remember seeing any letters in the Scripture with the answers to life’s questions (if you have please direct me :) ). Things like: where do we work? Where should we invest our hearts? What school or church should we go to? Where should we live? And many more...

Do we follow the example set in Acts chapter one (1:23-36) when making some of these decisions?

“So they proposed two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. Then they prayed, "Lord, you know everyone's heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs." Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.”

Casting lots is essentially pulling straws and whoever has the largest wins, or another example may be like rolling a pair of dice. If this is the example, should we follow this today? Should we make decisions by rolling a set of dice and if we get a 7 or 11 the answer to our question is yes and if the dice land on any other number the answer is no?

I’m not so sure about that. Sure, if both possibilities are acceptable, then no problem. But what if the decision is more intricate than this?

My belief is that many of our decisions in life are completely and 100% up to us to make. There may not be a “right” or “wrong.” I would argue that we’ve been given hearts and minds; we’ve had life experience; we may have some wisdom and knowledge (both of these are very different by the way). We can consult those we love and trust and who know us best- family and friends that can speak wisdom into our hearts. We can pray and often God will soften our heart and give us his peace in one direction or another. Though I haven’t heard many stories about the skies parting and the answers being passed down on stone, unfortunately. But, overall we must make a decision- no one else can make it for us.

Many decisions are hard ones. Don’t get me wrong; I know it’s not as easy as it sounds. I understand that many decisions can cause hurt and pain. I suspect this is why we must consult others, we must pray, and we must look at everyone involved in order to make a proper decision. Ultimately, we make a decision and whatever happens, happens. It will all stretch our character; It is all good.

We have so much control of our lives. We can honestly do whatever we please (it’s kind of scary the trouble we can get ourselves in). I’m not trying to defend making horrible decisions that end up hurting another. That’s not my attempt. But when considering, I suppose we must draw on our own wisdom and experience, bathe it in prayer, and then take a step in whatever direction that seems right.

In any direction we take I believe Christ shows up. There is always one absolute guarantee: Christ works in and through everything. Our decisions -our lives- are catalysts for Christ to work and to love others. If we’re connected to the Vine (John 15:4), whatever direction we go will bring glory to God.

Take a step… God will work.

Weakness:

2008-09-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

During my walk this morning around the park something crept up into the forefront of my mind. “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness”
(2 Cor. 11:30).

Simply a reminder to me that when I stand on my weaknesses Christ’s strength prevails. “My power is made perfect in your weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). I think I have a tendency to believe that I must be “perfect” or without some sort of sin or struggle. But this is clearly not true. It’s when I realize new “struggles” that I can depend more on Christ. It's humbling to remember that I still have things to work on. His power is made perfect is all my weakness. He can do the most amazing things when I realize there's always room to grow.

Zoka - Seattle - mmm...

2008-09-07T14:50:00.002-07:00

I often find myself sitting quietly in some coffee shop watching the fast-paced world revolve rapidly around me. I’m struck by people coming and going and life moving so shockingly quickly. It seems if I don’t stop every now and again to look around- to smell the roses, to hug a loved one tight, to tell a friend their loved, to encourage a kid, to thank God- I’ll miss it. I’ll wake up years passed wondering why I didn’t use every opportunity to slow down.

Coming back to Seattle after spending three months in a slow-paced, God loving and centered community, I feel weight from one shoulder is removed, and yet when I wasn’t looking new weight leaped on the other. I’m starting to think there is no way to live completely free of some sort of weight. Immediately after stepping over the border I started hearing questions: “what are you going to do with your life,” “don’t you need more than what you already have- more things,” “What’s next- hurry up and get things together?” Society jumps back onto my shoulders with a heavy thud! And, the enemy takes a swing.

But when I take the time to slow down and quiet my heart, I feel the peace, which transcends all understanding, guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:7). I
clearly need to cling to Christ in this transition process. I need more of him. I thirst for Christ- a thirst that will never entirely be quenched.

I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t have to have my life “sorted out.” I don’t have to have the five or ten year plan. Can’t there be a Christ-plan where my plan is listening to the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart? I understand at some level I have to have a “plan,” but I’m definitely leaving room for the Lord’s voice. We’ll call it my dynamic Christ-plan with some room for static.

Being back, the near future looking me dead in the face asks, “what are you going to do now, Eric?” I can’t help but smirk as I write this with the freedom and peace of Christ’s love hugging me tightly. What am I going to do? Well, everything! I’m going to continue growing closer to Christ. I’m going to work on my character and integrity. I'm going to continue listening and following. I’m going to spend time with high school kids. I’m going to spend time with family. I’m going to work on my friendships. I’m going to put myself out there. I’m going to make relationships. I’m going to work. I’m going to fill the gas tank with very expensive gasoline. I’m going to eat. I’m going to drink good coffee (and stay away from the bad). I’m going to get to know new people. I’m going to spend time with hurting people. I am going to live as if today was my last day but plan my life as if I were to live forever.

We’ll call it the dynamic Christ-plan with room for... life. I'll worry about the rest later.

conform?

2008-09-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

After spending three months in the inlets of the Sunshine Coast of Canada with a clear purpose, constant growth, and little distraction, I’ve dipped my feet back into the monotony and busyness of life in Washington state, and I find it difficult falling back into the ways I once lived comfortably.

I want more. Clarity and perspective prevail. I no longer want to conform to many of the patterns of this world. I understand some can’t be avoided- but I can fight the fight. I am constantly bombarded with the “ways of the world” but I don’t have to acquiesce if at all possible. But what can I do to combat this obvious attack?

“..offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
- Romans 12:1-2

What does the renewing of my mind look like? Well, I suppose staying close to the truth, claiming the truth, crawling into the words and allowing them to lead, and leaning on the One that can and will be victorious is a good start.

After living in a place where food and housing was provided for me, where I would wear the same set of clothing for days- a place where simplicity was paramount- I stand in the middle of a fast-paced money driven, hurting world wondering what’s next. I believe I forgot about all the daily battles we all face each day we dare step out the front door and face the world.

I want more. I want the freedom and peace I felt living in simplicity with a clear purpose. I want to continue loving on people and giving all of myself in order for them to see a glimpse of the very real love I experience from God everyday. I desire change in this world...

My mother always used to say if you aren’t part of the solution you’re part of the problem. I want to be part of the change that I believe is waiting for this world. God’s change. Relational change. I want to see the world change from the love of Christ.

Final Beyond Trip- Adults: 8-22-2008

2008-08-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

Upon my return from my final trip this summer here at Beyond, I’ve come to realize the significance and weight of the job I’ve been doing for the last three months. Despite the constant difficulty, learning how to work closely with very different people, and the internal struggles I’ve had throughout, I feel the veil has been removed from my eyes and I can see for the first time.

This last trip was a collection of adults all over the age of 50, including two doctors, two teachers, a physical and speech therapist, and a few retirees. Knowledge and wisdom flowed from every part of who they were, wrapping me in a sea of life advice. I am still wondering whether I guided them or they guided me. I’m leaning more towards the latter.

Many of the group members were married couples, and what a treat it was to see and observe well working, well oiled marital relationships. Not perfect relationships, but beautiful if so many perfect ways. One couple celebrated their 36th anniversary on our trip while standing in the rain around a large fire.

This was the perfect trip the end the summer with. Many of the days were damp, wet, and cold. Thunder and lightening joined us throughout the six-day trip. At one point late in the night, the lightening was so close the guide team was preparing to do a “lightening drill” which includes getting everyone out of their sleeping bags and having them stand out in an open filed- in the rain- crouched down on their tippy-toes on top of their Therma-Rest pads. What an awful and rude awakening that would have been. Just picture a 50 year old crouched down in the dark, out in the rain, at 2:00 am. Thank the Lord we didn’t have to do that.

The relationships I was gifted with this week are and will always be remembered. The encouragement I received from a group of parents who have sent their children to camp and in turn saw their kid’s lives change forever was jaw dropping.

The last day of the trip we were all sitting in a circle talking about the things we all wish to take home with us. In a roundabout way we went around the circle sharing. Many of the folks wanted to get back to the root of loving their neighbors as their selves. Some shared they wish to really start investigating the very real doubts and struggles they are having in their lives. And others wanted to start the process of depending on Christ as their leader and lover. Once these were voiced a few of the participants starting voicing encouraging words to us guides.

One guy, Phil, said, “You guys don’t know the impact you are having on our kids. You don’t see how it affects our entire family. You don’t get to see the changes it brings to all of us. Thank you for doing what you are doing. You are changing lives. I promise you.”

I couldn’t help but tear up as he looked into my eyes- and soul- and spoke directly to me. WOW! I think I needed to hear that.

Another couple, Peter and Kathy, shared a story with us about their daughter. They mentioned bringing their daughter to a Rockridge (a Canadian camp) for a week, and when they returned to pick up their daughter, she was a different woman- something had changed. And for the last few years she has been a different person because of the impact the camp staff had of her.

I think the entire guide team was tearing up. We couldn’t help but feel Christ’s love and encouragement flow through these participants. I honestly believe all of us heard exactly what we needed to for us to go on this year, for us to continue pursuing youth with all our hearts.

I watched this group leave yesterday after long hugs and sad goodbyes. I have been deeply affected by the men and woman I was blessed to have served this last week. Great attitudes, amazing hearts, depth of insight and understanding on who God is and what our call is, and amazing comprehension into the world and the real life problems that are out there. These people didn’t have a superficial relationship with Jesus- they are living in the questions, worshiping God, and learning to grow into the answers.

I confess throughout this summer I felt inadequate for the position I fill here at Beyond. I never truly felt like I had a grip on the job; I never felt in control. Looking back over the summer, with this in mind, I now see that is exactly where I had to be. If I were to have controlled these trips, they would have been my trips, not God’s. God wouldn’t have had room to breath and work with me constantly messing things up. I learned a very valuable lesson this summer: live comfortably in the discomfort. God’s got it. Trust. Really trust- deep, unadulterated trust.

Thank you Father. I trust you- with the best understanding I have of trust, I trust you.

This week I start the process of cleaning and packing all the Beyond gear in the storage area. Directly following that is packing all my personal things and filling up the car with gas for the long drive home.

Man, I have learned so much this summer. I can’t put a price on the things I’ve learned. I value them as priceless. The amazing gift it’s been to be here this summer...

There is a real tug-of-war going on within my soul. I want to go home and see my family and friends, but I now feel part of my heart is here at home in Egmont.

Father, help me to transition back into the community you have for me in Seattle.

Love, Eric.

Amen.

Revealing the Real ME in prayer

2008-07-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

“Understandably.. we hide our true selves from God in prayer. We simply do not trust that he can handle all that goes on in our minds and hearts. Can he accept our hateful thoughts, our cruel fantasies, and our bizarre dreams? we wonder. Can he cope with our primitive images, our inflated illusions, and our exotic mental castles? We conclude that he cannot and thus withhold from Jesus what is most in need of his healing touch.”

To be real... to be accepted... to stand metaphorically naked in front of God, everything in the open, pouring out my heart. Is there anything more freeing? Can he handle what I have to say? I hear a resounding yes.

“In order to grow in trust, we must allow God to see us and love us precisely as we are. The best way to do that is through prayer. As we pray, the unrestricted love of God gradually transforms us. We open ourselves to receive our own truth in the light of God’s truth. The Spirit opens our eyes to see what really is, to pierce through illusions so that we can discover we are seen by God with a gaze of love.”

-Ruthless Trust: The Ragamuffin’s Path to God, Brennan Manning

God hears us.

2008-07-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

Remembering the past, questioning the present, and excited for the future.

2008-07-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity today to sit and recount the past. After all work projects, cleaning, etc. were done here at Beyond, the guide team visited town. The local coffee shop didn’t know what to do when they saw us...

After grabbing a cold cup of coffee and a comfortable seat, I felt my mind drifting away from that little coffee shop on the sunshine coast of Canada.

My heart and mind were recounting the last weeks, months, and years of my life. God has been so good to me. I confess my life lacks perfection (oh no! The cats out of the bag), but God has perfected my imperfection. Often times I’ve found myself looking at how far I still have to go in my walk. There are things in me that still need work. Thankfully, this afternoon I clearly saw how far I’ve come.

Taking a closer look at my life, I can’t help but tearfully smile. I’ve had the opportunity to have some of the best, most treasured relationships I’ve ever had. They are so rich, flavorful, and awesome. I’ve seen the loving, tender hand of God working around me. WOW!

But in this quiet time I realized I struggle with letting go, relinquishing my power to God, all the while trusting Him to do what’s best.

This is not an easy task. It’s been a move I’ve had to make over-and-over. It keeps coming up, whether large things like where to invest my heart with kids/ ministry, or small thinks like where to work or live; they all take the same level of commitment to “let go.”

There is a song that constantly plays in the back of my mind- somewhat of a soundtrack to my current season of life. Christopher Williams wrote a song named, “When it falls apart,” that echos my feelings of releasing control to God (I’m currently listening to it on my iPod).

It goes something like this:

“When it falls apart the pieces fit but you won’t see it until you’re blinded.

You can’t let it go or hold it tight, when you lose your life you will find it.

In the dark, on my knees is when I hear Him sing to me. Why is the truth so hard

to take. A heart can’t go free until it breaks.”

I can’t help but see the parallels with scripture: “Anyone who loses His life... will find it” (Matt. 16:25).

Boy I wish this was easy. It feels like this is a daily- seemingly hourly- process of honestly letting go, and releasing my control to God. There are so many intricacies to each scenario in life, but it all comes down to my desire to control things. Life begins when I let go. It moves me closer to Christ and releases me from my feeble attempts and doing what is best for me.

Yet strangely my human nature is to resist, to take back control any time I give it up.

My ability to control my life can’t quite reach peak God is on. I know God has my life in his hands. Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Shouldn’t I be able to live covered in these facts? Isn’t this knowledge of the facts enough?

Yes and no. My heart tells me yes, God has got you in His hands. My mind -polluted by the propaganda tossed into my lap by society and it’s false immediate gratification- tells me no.

It’s a constant tug-of-war within my heart, soul and mind. I will remain devoted to Christ. He’s got it all under control. ..you have to lose your life and the things you hold so tightly to truly find it..

I’ve found so many great things when I’ve let go...

Speaking Love

2008-07-07T21:53:00.000-07:00

“This is what comes, he [Augustine] says, of giving one’s heart to anything but God. All human beings pass away. Do no let your happiness depend on something you may lose. If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only Beloved who will never pass away.

Of course this is excellent sense. Don’t put your goods in a leaky vessel. Don’t spend too much on a house you may be turned out of. And there is no man alive who responds more naturally than I to such canny maxims. I am a safety-first creature. Of all arguments against love none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as ‘Careful! This might lead you to suffering.’

To my nature, my temperament, yes. Not to my conscience. When I respond to that appeal I seem to myself to be a thousand miles away from Christ. If I am sure of anything I am sure that His teaching was never meant to confirm my congenital preference for safe investments and limited liabilities. I doubt whether there is anything in me that pleases Him less. And who could conceivably begin to love God on such a prudential ground- because the security (so to speak) is better? Who could even include it among the grounds for loving? Would you choose a wife or a friend- if it comes to that, would you choose a dog- in this spirit? One must be outside the world of love, of all loves, before one this calculates. Eros, lawless Eros, preferring the Beloved to happiness, is more like Love Himself than this.

I think that this passage in the Confessions is less a part of St. Augustine’s Christendom than a hangover from the high-minded Pagan philosophies in which he grew up. It is closer to Stoic ‘apathy’ or neo-Platonic mysticism than to charity. We follow One who wept over Jerusalem and at the grave of Lazarus, and, loving all, yet had one disciple whom, in a special sense, he ‘loved.’ St. Paul has a higher authority with us than St. Augustine- St. Paul who shows no sign that he would not have suffered like a man, and no feeling that he ought not have suffered l, if Epaphroditus had died. (Philippines 11:27

Even if it were granted that insurances against heartbreak were our highest wisdom, does God Himself offer them? Apparently not. Christ comes at last to say ‘why has thou forsaken me?’

There is no escape along the lines St. Augustine suggests. Nor along any other lines. There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis (p. 110-112)

What an amazing piece of poetry. I can only think of one thing as I read this: ‘there is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear.’

With God, friend, or someone special, the only way to really live, is to lay it out there and love. Even if it means being hurt. No fear.

Wasilla Bible Church (Trip 1):

2008-07-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

I just returned from an “eight-day” Sea Kayaking trip through the Canadian Jervis inlet. Round trip was 112.8 miles. Magnificent and beautiful doesn’t quite grab and hold the wonderment of the environment I have been in and a part of the last week. It’s most definitely a testimony of who God is and the things He can do and/or has created. It goes to show us the time God spends creating and molding us into glamorous, appealing, gorgeous, loved children. It’s breathtaking to be surrounded my mountains that create an extreme sense of smallness. More importantly, this is a great reminder of the hugeness of God- mountainous!

The leaders/senior pastor I spent the week with had a mountainous love for the kids they brought here. I was blessed to spend this time with the senior pastor of a church from Wasilla Alaska. He was a man after the heart of Jesus and trying to communicate the love of God to his kids- a seemingly impossible task at times. These kids were amazing and the things God did through my willingness to step out and into their lives were beyond my comprehension.

One kid, Matt, had a life changing experience. One thing we do here at Beyond is implement a thing called the “life story”- yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. We share our story from the beginning to the end with all the nitty gritty in between with our participants, and then we ask them to share with us. The first night on the inlet, I decided to set the example for what this would look like.

I started at my birth at a very young age to a great mother and father in, what I think was, Redmond Washington. I talked about my relationships with my brothers and parents. I went in depth; I shared all about who I am and the struggles I’ve had throughout the last 23 years. I talked about having little-to-no friends as a youth, my not- so-hot relationship with my oldest brother, the hurt caused by name calling, the struggle with drugs, sex, partying, my recent deep, deep hurt from a broken relationship, and anything else that popped into my heart at the time. I went there and shared that. I’m not the type to leave out the details. I shared the man God made me to be and the things that have happened to get me to where I am today.

I allowed these leaders and kids feel who I am. I asked them to crawl into my feelings, emotions, experiences, and hurt so they may grasp the seriousness of this life and the things that are often sent in our direction throughout. After sharing our story, anyone can ask any question. It’s an open forum. One aspect of sharing a life story is that the one who has shared is asked to pick another from the crowd the share. I chose Matt.

Matt hasn’t lived much of life yet. He is serious about going into the Marines. And, I honestly believe wants to know Jesus. And, I wouldn’t say this about everyone, but I believe he will find Jesus in his pursuit. He mentioned his early life, where he went to school and all the other little things we do as teenagers. Then Matt got to last year... he quickly brushed over “and then that’s when the bad stuff started happening...” To which my response was, “what exactly is ‘the bad stuff’?”
It took him a few long minutes of beating around the bush before he came out and shared his struggle. With tear filled eyes this young man shared his real heart with our group, knowing he was going out on a limb and lowering his guard. I believe he met and learned grace for the first time during that sharing moment. It sounded like everyone around him wanted to condemn him, blame him, try to get him “better”, or turn him around.

I couldn’t help but lean over to Matt and tell him what the Lord put on my heart, something that has been so heavy to me the last seven months. “Matt, no matter what you do, you can never loose the love of God. God dearly loves you. You are his child.”

From that conversation forward Matt became Matt. I saw a young man go from reserved and/or fearful to let himself out become a man who wanted to share who he was and what he wanted to become. Thank you, Jesus. Continue your work in Matt.

The rest of the week we shared eleven life stories with a lot of emotion and a lot of hope. Weather these kids heard God’s audible voice or not (joking, but leaders did expect this to happen :)), I believe they are seeing the living God through and in us here at Beyond. I don’t think every group from this point forward will be as awesome as this one, but I do believe good things are to come.

We spent every night of the week sleeping on the beaches, leaving the tent in the kayak, seeing all that the stars had to offer- WOW! The entire week the weather has been well over 100 degrees. Teenagers apparently don’t believe in sun screen, so many of them felt the wrath of 100 degree heat and beaming sun. We had a lot of sun burns. One day, in an attempt to cool down, the guide team decided the risk outweighed the gain, so we lead the group through a water fall to cool down. Amazing beauty!

Honestly, I don’t remember many of the physical events that occurred this last week. Things like distance of paddling, food, places, camping areas, not showering for seven days, BIFFs (Bathroom In Forest Floor), etc. don’t really stick with me. What does stick out are the hearts I was allowed into. I was asked to join in someone's life. My position as a guide allowed me to be united with youth in a way I have never experienced, yet I have been longing for for a long time. There is a catchphrase on the back of Young Life: “you were made for this.” I am made for working closely with youth/people. Now what do I do with that?

Another great conversation I was blessed to have was with a student named Chris. He was a very hyper and an attention-getter. I saw so much of me as a youth sitting deep inside of him. I understood what was going on underneath the surface, a heart trying so hard to escape and love others but not knowing how to do it. His heart is good, but he has spent the last eighteen years creating a outer coating that shows a man who has had to protect his heart from years of abuse. Though our experiences in life were not the same, I saw the similarities and had the opportunity to speak. So, I did.

I shared my life with him. I shared my experiences with him. I allowed Chris to see what life looks like where he is and where he is heading. I had real authority and credibility because I have been there. I have experienced it and have come through.

At the end of the trip, he snuck up to me and said: “you helped me.” To many this is a statement to be overlooked. Something expected after a trip like this. To me, knowing what it takes to walk up to a stranger and tell them they made a difference in their life is a BIG deal.

Highlights:

numerous bear sightings (4); deep laceration to one of the participants left ankle requiring serious medical first response; great kids; three sea planes flying ten feet above our heads/landing besides us; night paddle that allowed us to see the sun rise over the mountains; a great conversation with a kid who has ADHD and is hurting;

I want to thank those who have been praying for my back and shoulder. Up to the time I crawled into the Kayak the first day of the trip, both were hurting ever so much. The second I took the first paddle stroke the pain disappeared. I was able to be available for these kids with nothing physical blocking me. I really did believe and rely on God to help, and he did! Please continue to pray for my back and shoulder.

Please be praying for some idea or direction regarding living, working, ministry, and community. I am not clear on so many things. I understand I might not get the answers I want. I am alright with this. What I would love to see is the next step, but sense I have two months before the next step... pray for the next step.

The next trip starts in three days. Thankfully, I am not on this trip. It appears to be a completely female trip, meaning all female guides. Following that is a two part trip. Four days are spent on the water, and six days are spent on a mountaineering trip. It’s a split trip. I think I am one of the guides on this; we’ll see.

Today is what we call the “sabbath”. I have the entire day to relax and catch my breath. I am going to read, eat, write, and maybe go see the new Batman movie in town.

Ten-Day Guide trip complete

2008-06-22T16:32:00.001-07:00

Hey all. I wanted to let you know that I have returned safely from the guide team's "ten-day" trip throughout the Jarvis Inlet.

We all seem to work well together. I do ask for prayer regarding my back. It has been really acting up. I have a, what feels like, pinched nerve on the right shoulder and I am very concerned this will distract me and take away from serving the participants who come through here. Please pray for heeling and/or an ability to look past the excruciating pain.

We did see a bear on our trip. Paddling past a beach-front we encountered a cub eating mussels. When he saw us he ran into the woods. But, what a cool sight.

We also had what appeared to be a cougar in our camp the other night. I believe the brownly swell lured him in. We made lots of noise, so we all walked away without any injuries. Thank the Lord.

WAFA

2008-06-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

Wilderness Advanced First Aid class complete. I am now a professional first aid responder. If you are in need of being saved, let me know. I will come give you CPR, check your spine, and much more. My patient bedside manner is awesome as well.

Thanks,
MANN

OH, Canada.

2008-06-09T09:24:00.001-07:00

*This image is dedicated to a good friend of mine- Jeff Wilson. Hail Canada.

I'm off. The Canadian inlets await me. Youth awaits me. The Lord and His purpose for this trip await me. Keep me in your prayers. If possible, I will update this blog and/or my Facebook pictures so some of you can see what I am doing.

I am really excited for all the things that are going to happen this summer. I know I am in the right place doing the right thing. There is much peace knowing that I am being obedient to the Lord and He is truly leading.

There is a great quote I've been forced to digest the last few months: "You've got to truly loose your life to find it." I had to let everything I was holding onto go so that Christ could show me what my new/real life could start. I now feel I am in close contact with this new life. Praise Him!

Keep me up to date with good news and great things. You can reach me by email at eric5mann@gmail.com

See you all soon!
MANN

A Father Knows:

2008-05-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

A good father knows their child's cry for help. This weekend I was camping on the Oregon coast- Cape Kiwanda. While sitting at a picnic table on the porch of my cabin, the Lord opened my eyes.

I'm watching two kids -maybe six or seven years old- playing out in the roadway on their bikes. They're having a grand time yelling, smiling, sticking their tongues out at each other, all the while riding around in circles on their bikes with training wheels still attached. Their parents are comfortably resting in the cabin 100 yards away- with the door shut.

One of the kids falls down off their bike and into the street. 100 yards away from their parents cabin is a faint cry for help, almost indistinguishable through all the other sounds going on around us. There are dogs barking, people yelling and laughing, other kids crying... Tears, pain, hurt, fear... within seconds the father opens the cabin door and runs to his hurting child. Whatever he was doing stopped the second his sixth sense kicked in and he realized his child was in need. He heard that cry through everything else.

Isn't it interesting that good fathers hear their children in times of need, crying out for help. These fathers could be doing ten other things -eating, working, talking, reading, cooking- but when they hear the call- through sobbing tears- they are immediately ready for duty.

That's how our Father-God in Heaven is as well. When we make the slightest call for help, He's there and ready to help. I'm sure He has more than six senses, but one is the amazing ability to take care of his children- to hear and know their every need.

If one of us were to stumble and fall, He's there to pick us back up. If we fail, He hears our disappointment and touches us with His encouragement. If we get hurt, He does everything to make us feel loved and cherished so others can see His loving work inside us.

Our Father in Heaven loves us dearly. He will arrive quickly when we call on Him. He hears our cry for help no matter how much is going on in His world. He IS good, He IS faithful, He DOES care, He will NEVER fail. God can do anything BUT fail.

A father knows. God knows each one of you better than you know yourselves. He knows what's going on in your hearts and minds. He knows what you are looking for in life. He knows your past and is eager to be part of your present and future. He knows you. He dearly loves you. There is nothing that can separate you from God's love.

Camping

2008-05-23T07:42:00.001-07:00

I'll be spending this weekend with a group of young guys, camp food, the ocean, and much hope for what the Lord will do. We're heading to the Oregon coast for four days of exciting adventures. I am very excited for the possibilities.

MANN

The Punishment of Love

2008-05-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

This may not be theologically sound. Bear with me.

“If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refused to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” -Matthew 18:17

I used to see this passage as a excerpt to endorse my desire to hurt another emotionally, to punish all those evil doers in the church for the things they have done and have not owned up to. If a brother or sister doesn’t listen to me or the church during all the stages or the “official” disciplinary process we must ostracize, ignore, shun, reject, avoid, cold-shoulder them, right? That’s what scripture tells us to do, doesn’t it?  

No. I no longer believe the above passage directs us anywhere close to this behavior. To many this scripture means backing away from these people, biblically punishing them for their sinfulness or wickedness. I think we’ve all heard it: “we have to back away from those who aren’t obeying the church.” “It’s biblical.” “We must make them realize their faults.” “They need to be punished for their behavior.” “This is how God wants us to act.”

Let’s add Jesus into the equation. Jesus is telling the people, “if he refuses to listen..treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” As I grow to know Jesus and understand his scriptures, I see this differently. “treat him like a pagan or tax collector” is the passage many of us stand on when we want to publicly discipline a brother or sister, thinking this will definitely change their behavior and turn them back to the loving arms of their community. I mean, Jesus went all over the place punishing people publicly to get them to come follow him, right? I wonder if the statistics regarding this punishment would show more people leaving the community because of this behavior over returning to it because they came to understand they did something wrong?

Correct me if I’m wrong (really, reply to this blog and let me know), did Jesus come to heal the sick sinners or the righteous (Matt 9:12, Mark 2:17, Luke 5:31)? Was He here to hang out with the sinners or those who believed they were sinless (Matt 9:9, Matt 9:10, Matt 9:11, Matt 10:3, Matt 11:19, Matt 21:32)? Did Jesus use an allegory to describe bringing pagans and tax collectors, poor and broken to banquets and parties? Did Jesus eat many meals with tax collectors? Did Jesus not preach a message of absolute, unadulterated, deep caring love? Isn’t Jesus love?

Don’t get me wrong, I know Jesus came with a sword; I know he is rather pissed over some of the things we’re all doing. I understand He will judge us accordingly. To some of you, you may be hearing from Him that you need to make the “sinners” who have ignored all stages of the church discipline process to pay- ignore them, turn your back, hate them, etc. But, that’s not my Jesus.

If we take a quick look at the chunk of scripture preparatory to this section (Matthew 18:10-14), Jesus teaches about the Parable of the Lost Sheep. He emphasizes how one, single, alone, wondering, sinning, broken, disobedient, wrong, hurting lost sheep is more important to him- at least at the time- than the 99 safe ones comfortably sleeping in their stall.

Is it a coincidence that chapter 18 of Matthew is placed together the way it is- one scripture in front of the other? In your heart, do you see Jesus going from a parable of deep love over loss of ONE of his sheep, to a willingness to turn His backs on a brother or sister who didn’t obey church discipline? What church are we even talking about- the Body or the building?

I can’t. Therefore, It is my claim that when asked to “treat him as as you would a pagan or a tax collector” Christ is simply, yet dramatically, guiding us to love them. Love these brothers and sisters well. Give yourself, your time, your heart to them. Punish them with love, overwhelming love- Christ’s love. In doing so, you are preaching the very gospel of Christ. “Preach the gospel always and [only] when necessary use words,” or “Dear children, let us not love with only words and tongue, but with action and truth.” Give them the most powerful, somewhat painful punishment of all- LOVE.

My friend Lauren has a sticker on the back of her car. This sticker is more than the laminated front cover, plastic insert, and sticky adhesive backing. This sticker, though only about the size of a credit card, weighs more than the entire car it’s attached to. The sticker is black with bold white writing: “LOVE WINS.” Love will never fail. The message of the Cross is love. If we are committed to Christ and loving others, His message will not fail. I can’t imagine a greater consequence to whatever bad behavior I’ve engaged in than love. Just imagine the dunces corner: “Eric, you’ve been bad. You hit Timmy. Go over to the corner and receive love from Jesus. We are all going to gather around you and hold you tight. We love you ever so dearly. I hope you learn your lesson.”

Lesson learned!

We all need to be loved into Christ’s arms. What action are we taking that loves our ostracized, ignored, shunned, rejected, avoided, cold-shouldered brother and sisters back into Christ’s arms? Pushing patience, time, and the things that often dissuade us out of the way of love, how are you loving your “pagan” or “tax collecting” friends? How can you punish someone who is in the wrong with love?

-When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"

-The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners." ' But wisdom is proved right by her actions."

-Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.

-As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him.

-While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.

So, is it possible Jesus was asking us to LOVE the “pagans” and “tax collectors?” Love wins, love never fails.

MANN

The Heavy Stone

2008-05-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

“The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in out eyes... He who falls on this stone [Jesus] will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.”

Life is a battle. Add Jesus to the equation and life becomes a little harder- in a good way. Many think following Christ is the “easy way”, the “crutch.” I would disagree. I would argue that following Jesus is by far the hardest way of life.

Every time I look to Jesus He reveals something about me that isn’t pretty- I haven’t shared this fact yet but I am a sinner; shhh, don’t tell. He shows me a character trait, struggle, misconception, etc. that I haven’t dealt with. Jesus is working constantly in our lives to make us more like him. Sad to say, change isn’t easy.

Change hurts. When there’s change there’s loss of something we know and have habituated to. Change removes something we’re reliant on and takes away what feels like our comfort zone. When we look at the above scripture, Jesus says when He falls on us we break to pieces. In my mind, this is a good thing. If you build a LEGO city and aren’t happy with how it looks, the best way to make it better is to break the creation to pieces and rebuild. Replacing what wasn’t “perfect” with, in our or his eyes, what is perfect (I miss playing with LEGO).

Christ has to break us down, chip away the hard exterior, corroded, broken, dark parts of us. He has to shatter what image of ourselves we’re holding onto so He can rebuild. Don’t get me wrong, life is a continual rebuilding process. This doesn’t happen once and we’re complete, done, ‘mission accomplished’. There are always new things coming to light, new needs and wants, new trials. There is freedom in being broken pieces; being rebuilt. There is something powerful and assuring knowing that the one rebuilding us is the one who created the earth and what inhabits the earth. He didn’t do such a bad job; I think I can trust Him.

I understand this entry looks sad, dark, and pessimistic. But, it’s not. This is great news. None of us are perfect. LIfe throws it’s share of garbage at all of us. I want to encourage all of you. I know that Christ changes people. I know that when there is shattered pieces in our lives that Christ comes along, picks them up, brushes them off, and places them back together in a way different than they were before. He makes all things new and in doing so morphs our character, integrity, soul, heart, mind, hope, joy, love, and more into the image of Jesus.

Your thoughts....

MANN

Beyond Malibu

2008-05-04T21:43:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a Sea Kayaking Guide training weekend. I signed up to be a guide at the Beyond Malibu camp this summer. If everything works out, I will be spending three months in the mountains and inlets of Canada- where there colors we can't even imagine here.

This weekend was tiring. There was a lot of instruction and lots of paddling. Our trips this summer are 100 miles around and seven/eight days long. I will spend the majority of time with my co-guides and a group of seven to eight kids/adults.

Bring it on world!

Cannon Beach

2008-04-29T14:41:00.000-07:00

A friend and I visited Cannon Beach this weekend. It was very windy and very cold. Not to mention the torrential downpour that occurred during our visit to the beach. Within three minutes we were completely sopping wet. It came out of nowhere...

My friend's outfit was the outcome of a last minute removal of the legs from an old pair of jeans... I don't know if he really thought this one through.

Does Christ have the power to change people?

2008-04-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

My answer is a resounding ‘yes’. I, like everybody else- whether they care to admit it or not, can only speak from MY experience, which includes: readings, people, life lessons, personal issues and struggles, etc.. My voice is only as loud as the power and depth of my experiences. With this question in mind, my experiences on the forefront of my mind, I believe Christ can and does change people. There is a catch though. Many need to WANT to change before change can occur. Christ has the power, he will always show up- his timing is absolutely impeccable, yet can be slow and painful. But, there are two participants in the changing process. The one whom desires change and Christ, the changer. If both show up looking for change, hallelujah! Change will happen.

Unfortunately, more often that not, we don’t think change is needed in our lives. Possibly small change but never big. It’s my opinion- again, from my understanding and experiences- we are ALL ALWAYS in need of change. Life is a constant changing process.

The interesting part about change is if we ignore the need to change, we will cause all sorts of problems and issues in our lives. If we run from needed change, it will follow us where ever we go. Whether we allow change to happen today or in ten years, it will continue to stalk us from behind. We can’t get away from our needed change.

Remember that only Christ can change us into into what he wants and needs; we can’t do it by our wills- we simply can’t do it by will power! Sure, temporarily we can change ourselves for a short period of time, but we will shrink back to our true selves, trust me.

Over the last couple years, I’ve attempted to change myself by by own will power, with unquestionably no avail. I didn't realize what I was doing either. There was a very heavy veil over my eyes. I used all the power and strength I had to act differently, more like Christ- somewhat it a Pharisaic manor. At times this would work, but only temporarily. I would always fall back into being the man I didn’t wish to be- hard hearted, judgmental, cynical, negative, and much more. By my own power I could not change.

Then Christ showed up.

I like knowing that Christ changed me and continues to refine me each day. I like knowing Christ has the power to change people. I really like knowing I am NOT, by all means NOT, the same person I was half a year ago. I allowed Christ to work in me. I asked him to come into my heart, soul, and mind and do his best. This was a very painful process (still is). It didn’t lead to my perfection, it lead to transformation; real and lasting change.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” -Matthew 11:28-29

What does it mean to meet Christ and allow him to change us?

There are a few crucial elements to this much desired change. The most important is being transparent. If we cover up, sugar-coat, or masquerade as if everything is OK, we will be blocking the very things Christ wants to show us. He has things to say to each one of us.

He speaks through many forms. Seek wise counsel. In my opinion, this council is NOT the friends you gossip with or go out drinking with on the weekends. These men/woman should be older, “wiser” people who have more life experience than we do. They may have even been through the same thing. Choose 2-3 people. That will give you a few different perspectives. If you simply have the one, your view will most assuredly be biased and counter productive. Look for people at different stages of their lives who can speak truth.

Hit the Word- HARD! Read, memorize, ponder, eat, drink, act, crave... go after the Word. The Word has all the answers. Read it front to back, cover to cover, left to right, up and down. Read, read, and read some more of the Word.

Read books. This adds more perspective to your life. Books give us an ability to walk in another's shoes without talking to them or knowing who they are. In my experience books are Christ’s way of opening my eyes to a newer, larger view of life. Books make me think deeply as well. They force me to go below the surface and do heart and soul checks. The best part is that there is a book for everything (though I would stay away from so called “self help” books, even if they are written by Christian authors. Also, stay away from a lot of the crappy books. There are a lot of those out there as well.) Many of the authors have already experienced what things we might be going through and wrote everything down for us to see.

Write everything down. Journal until your hand falls off. Write thoughts, feelings, emotions (if you are capable), memories, dreams, and everything that comes to mind. It helps clear things out of our minds. And, when you get through big change you can look back and remember the huge things that happened.

Prayer. Pray, pray, pray. Pray with trusted friends. Pray with trusted pastors. Pray with your 2-3 wise counsel members. Pray alone. Walk and pray. Pray quietly. Write prayers out. Wake up and pray. Allow Christ to hear your cry. He’s listening.

Also, if you don’t already have one- and I know the difficulty of finding a community when your life may be, what feels like, falling apart- find a community. If you have a church or small group, great. Open up and be honest about what’s going on and how you feel. Like I said, be transparent. Let them see who you really are. Trust me; there is no need to fake anything. Be honest and humble and see what Christ does.

A very important fact: not everyone will support you during this time of change. People or friends you thought would be there for you will disappear. People you don’t know or wouldn’t think would be available for you, will be. Trust Christ and who he puts in your path. Be real and true to yourself.

Finally, be patient. This is not going to happen over night. Change takes time, tears, and struggle. But, at the end, you will be amazed and what Christ has done. I heard a couple quotes which have stuck with me in my changing process:

“Over time a slow and steady stream will erode even the largest rock and turn giant boulders into small pebbles. Over time.”- Be patient and wait.

“God does not care so much how fast be grow but how strong.” - Be patient and wait.

Many mornings I’ve awoke to the quiet whisper of the Spirit telling me, “Eric, be patient and wait. Things are changing.”

This may not be a fun experience for you. But my promise is that Christ can change people. He can and will turn our lives upside down and around. Trust, seek, love, and live for Christ and he WILL lift you up.

Tell me how it goes.

MANN

Expelled

2008-04-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

I went to see Expelled last night. Great food for thought.

I recommend it to you.

Check it out.

MANN

Guatemala

2008-04-18T18:54:00.001-07:00

Have fun with these...

Living in the NOW...

2008-04-17T11:07:00.001-07:00

Last night I spent with the homeless. Those guys are what it's all about. They are real and authentic- whether they are believers or not. They tell their lives as it is, with no holds barred.

When I was talking to a guy named Brian, he said all kids of truth I needed to hear. The most important thing he talked about (for my ears to hear at the time) was living in the now. Though I understand the idea and most days am able to do this, it was encouraging to hear again.

Brian told me not to look back into the past of further into the future. Concentrate, think, breath, act in the now. Today- this minute- is all I am promised. There is no tomorrow yet. There is no next week, next month, next year. These don't exist yet. This doesn't mean I can't plan as if I were going to be here, but it does mean to use all my resources and effort to think about today.

As I write this, this is the only promised minute of life. Right....now! Brian knows what he is talking about. He knows the power living in the now. Is it not funny that some of the best advice and life experience comes from people who have less than most of us? THINK ABOUT THAT.

Brian has nothing. He shared his story with me. He told me his past- let's make it clear that Brian has had an extensive past. He, like the rest of us, have things in our past that we wish to take back, what I will call a "Do over." But Brian, like us, can't take back the past. I know his pain. I can empathize with Brian like many of you might not be able to.

The most important part of this message is that Brian has faith, which leads to grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Brian doesn't wish to live in the past or the future. He wishes to live in the very new and exciting present. He wishes to live in the now. Let's not pretend this is an easy task, for it is far from easy.

Here's the question... take some real time to think about this... don't use your minimal understanding of what you know now, but simply sit and ponder this idea. Give your heart to Christ as you think about this. Here it is: "How do you live in the now?

MANN

Guatemala

2008-04-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

I am off to Guatemala... pray for safety. There have been drug smuggling stings and subsequent shootings in the city we will be spending time in. Pray for God to do something big in me and those around me.

Pray for change. God is doing amazing things inside of me. There has been a lot brought to the surface...not what do I do with the that?

I am excited to see the hand of God working in another area of our world. God is all around us and I know He is very present where we are headed. I also know that this trip will most likely do more for me than I will do for those I am visiting.

Pray that we can find some way to filter their water so they might drink it, possibly through a UV light unit.

Pray for health, pray for housing. We found out today that there is nowhere for us to stay. The hotel we were going to stay at has no rooms, so we will be going by the seat of our pants. Pray, pray, pray. Let's see what the Lord does.

NOTE: If I don't return, make sure my friend Jeff gets my ArcTeryx jacket.

MANN

Is there GRACE

2008-03-31T09:20:00.000-07:00

What IS so amazing about grace?

This question has plagued me for many years and still does to this day. It’s also the title of one of Philip Yancey’s best books, in my humble opinion. But, more importantly, it’s a question that has an answer, to me, that just doesn’t make sense.

I can honestly say I don’t understand grace. Before I go on, I do understand the concept and principle of grace but struggle with how it applies to me. I don’t get that I can be given something for nothing. Maybe it comes from the society I grew up in where there is constant talk of “there is no free lunch”, “you get what you pay for”, “the early bird gets the worm”, and strangely, “an eye for an eye” that leads me to believe I can’t get something for nothing.

I simply can’t wrap my head around the idea that despite my sins and downfalls I am forgiven completely and the slate has been wiped clean. I hear it, yet I can’t feel it. I can’t feel the seriousness and power that this knowledge has.

I understand facts, yet I can’t feel facts. I understand myself to be a “feeler”. I must feel a situation to understand it. I can’t merely hear the facts and run with them, if you will. I must feel the weight of the facts being presented to me. For example, I can read a book regarding the epidemic of poor, improvised children in Haiti who are dying by the truck load, and it will evoke a deep emotional response within me. But, if I were to see these young, hurting children in person, I would empathetically feel the situation. I can guarantee it would change my life forever.

“Feelers” have to feel the things around them before they can truly grasp an understanding of act or behavior. I feel like I have to earn grace, like if I don’t do what is right, I don’t deserve the grace awarded to me. I have to win it! But that is absolutely contrary to what scripture tells me. Why is it that I can’t allow the warm, comforting, love and grace God is handing me to wash me clean of my iniquities and allow His changing power to conform me more into His image? Why is it I constantly battle within my mind, heart, and soul to earn this free gift?

I will never be perfect; I can’t earn grace, it’s free!

Honestly, I am tired. I am tired of fighting for a free gift. There is a constant tug-of-war within me... Frankly, I can’t kick it in the butt. I can’t let down the learned steel, prison door that has been constructed over the years in my heart and mind that continues to tell me that I must earn my way. With grace there is no way to earn or loose anything awarded to me.

There is nothing I can do that will give me more grace from God; conversely, there is nothing I can do to loose the grace God has gifted me. There is undeniably nothing that can take away grace... so why can’t I feel this grace; why can’t I accept grace for what it is? Why can’t I rest in the knowledge of God’s love and grace?

I battle daily with the idea that I must win God’s approval by the things I say, the work I do, and my success in His Kingdom. Further, I think I should step up and take the punishment I deserve for my sins over His grace. I have done much wrong in my life; I have hurt those I care about the most; I have done things I can’t take back, and, at times, I can’t cut loose from the memory of them. I allow them to consume me; I allow myself to face the pain head-on until it breaks me to peaces, until I can no longer look at myself in the mirror. I don’t let go until I see how horrible I am. I don’t want to forget the pain I caused another. This is awful.

I would rather die a sinners death than know that I have caused a life-long scar on a loved one’s heart. I would rather bear the cross than have to live with myself. But, by grace I have been saved. It is not by my own works of the will or my willingness, it is because God loves me, because I believe and trust what He says.

Does this knowledge make it any easier for me to accept an undeserved gift? The answer is no. I want desperately to rest in the grace and love of my redeemer, but I can’t. I know grace comes with no cost to me, but I can’t feel it. Oh, how desperately I want to feel the weight of grace.

Again, I understand the cross. I understand the weight of Jesus’ actions on the cross and what those actions represent to me as a broken sinner, but I can’t feel it. This sacrifice was made over two thousand years ago and I was nowhere it sight. I am confident had I been sitting at the foot of the cross staring up into the eyes of a poor man, Jesus, watching Him die a horrendous and painful death, I would have felt the depth and breadth of grace. But I wasn’t there. For what shall I do to feel this grace? How must I live to feel the depth and breadth of this grace?

Yancey writes, “Grace is not about finishing last or first; it is about not counting. We receive grace as a gift from God, not as something we toil to earn” (Yancey, 1997, p61).

GOTCHA! Grace is a gift we don’t have to earn or work for. I understand... I get it. Conceptually, I get it. On all levels of the hierarchy of knowledge (if there is one), I understand completely. God loves me and He has lavishly given me this awesome gift. Still the question is, “how do I feel this grace?”

Yancey continues, “Yet if I care to listen, I hear a loud whisper from the gospel that I did not get what I deserved. I deserved punishment and got forgiveness. I deserved wrath and got love. I deserved debtor’s prison and got instead a clean credit history. I deserved stern lectures and crawl-on-your-knees repentance; I got a banquet” (Yancey, 1997, p64).

Thank you, Jesus! I didn’t get what I deserved. I didn’t get the cross. I didn’t get the ostracized life I deserve. I was not awarded the punishment I have honestly earned. I was given the opposite of what everything in and around me warrants. I was freed from the slavery of my sin. I was given a gift I do not qualify for. I was given a gift I am not entitled to.

I deserve death. I deserve the flogging. I deserve the cross. I deserve the pain. I deserve the rejection. I deserve the slanderous remarks. I deserve to be seen as worthless and unworthy of others love and care. I deserve the spit in my face. I deserve the pain of seeing someone I love take everything they know about me and throw it back in my face. I deserve everything Christ endured in the last hours of His life on this earth. I deserve it. I deserve it. There is no getting away from it, I deserve the worst.

Grace. I didn’t get what I deserve. I didn’t get what I deserve. I wasn’t flogged or beaten. I didn’t die on a cross. I might have to endure hardship, rejection, or loss of a loved one, but I don’t have to feel that in everything I do. I was saved from this pain and anguish. Why? The only logical conclusion I can come to is this thing we read about called GRACE.

Our reliable Wikipedia calls grace, “the sovereign favor of God for humankind — especially in regard to salvation — irrespective of actions ("deeds"), earned worth, or proven goodness.”

I am starting wrap my head around grace. Don’t mistake my examination as a lack of grateful appreciation and gratitude for grace. I know God’s grace. I know God is good. I know I am forgiven and this is only BY grace, I had nothing to do with it. I know, I know, I know. Oh, Lord, let me feel this grace deep within my bones. Lord, let me see this grace in someone else. I trust you, Lord. Help me see this grace around me.

I understand.

God's Grace

2008-03-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

I am currently studying God's grace. This is a random video I found YouTube... enjoy

The Local Coffee Shop

2008-03-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

I think one of the most painful things I have observed the last two times I have visited the local coffee shop is hurting, seeking people. I see middle-aged adults reading books on living fulfilled lives, lives with meaning and purpose, lives that have more to them than the eat, work, sleep routine. They are all seeking answers to the age old question, “what do I do with my life; how do I feel complete?” What a hard question to ask oneself, and a hard realization that we can’t be fulfilled by the things we have or do... but there is an easy answer.

There are no fast-tracks to change. That is something I have learned the hard way. Picture staring into a jungle, miles long and 100s of yards high, with our destination on the other side of the jungle, there is no going over, under, or around this jungle. Me must go through the jungle. Me must face each danger and life-changing event head on. There is no going around it- we must travel through this dark unknown space with the hope of making it to the other side, but with no guarantees. This is my analogy for change. There is no easy way to change- we must embrace change and the process it takes to change. Remember that God doesn’t care so much about how fast we grow, He cares about how strong we grow.

When we come to realize we are not perfect people, but are plagued with character flaws, personality flaws, and most importantly sin, we come to understand God’s love and grace. As a Christian, this makes accepting who I really am a little easier that those without Christ. I confess it’s still a very difficult realization and acceptance process and might last my entire life. But, unlike the non-believer, I have a God who cares so much for me He is willing to give all of Himself for me, because He cares about everything in my life.

God cares about the woman sitting across from me reading her book “How to live a more fulfilled life in 10 steps” as well. He cares that she has questions about her life. He cares that she is seeking but the answers she is finding are from worldly men and woman who don’t have the answers that lead to a free life in Christ. He cares that she hurts when people around her ignore her. He cares that she feels imperfect. He cares that she feels broken inside without a purpose to life. He certainly cares that she has been without Him for some time. And, He desperately wants her to know Him.

To sum up the last paragraph, let me clarify that GOD CARES about you!

Our Father wants to be united with us, His children. He loves when we come to Him and ask for help. He loves that we trust Him. He loves us with love our human brains simply can’t fathom.

I love the woman sitting across from me. This may sound strange, but I love her with the love Christ has placed in my heart. I see someone, no different from me, hurting. I see a sister, without knowing it yet, looking for Jesus Christ and His amazing love and grace. I see one of God’s children sitting and waiting for Him. I see myself.

The Lord's Lamp

2008-03-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

“The lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being.”

The light, clarity, truth, illumination in our lives is from the Lord. We can’t illuminate our own sin; we can’t decide what is right and wrong in our lives. This has to be done by the power, strength, and awesomeness of God.

God sends us through illumination processes throughout our lives. It’s not as if we learn everything about ourselves once and we can then live life. We must undergo this uneasy, uncomfortable process over and over again. But, rest assured that the great things the Lord will find in our hidden depths will give us opportunity to change into a new person. Our sins, darkness, and hang-ups will be brought into the light and give us the chance to address what they are and what the Lord wants to do with them.

This is by no means an easy process. It’s painful to allow the Lord’s light to search our “inmost being”. If we are willing to have our inmost being searched, we must realize that what is found might not be pretty or desirable. It may hurt, it may even draw us to tears and to our knees. But, the Lord is bigger than anything that may be found and he CAN change us.

There is something important to note about the process of allowing the Lord’s light to search us. If we really want to grow in our walk, if we really want to know what the Lord wants of us, we must have enough courage to look within ourselves. If we are not ready to see the things in our lives that are unpleasing to God, and then address them, we are not ready to allow the Lord’s bright light to illuminate our inmost being.

If we are ready, the Lord will show you things, things you will struggle with, but things that once addressed will make you a completely different person. God is in the habit of transforming our hearts, minds, and character into the spitting image of Christ’s. But remember, this is a long, arduous process, and it doesn’t happen overnight. Don’t be deterred if it takes months, or even years for the light to shine in, the realization, and the recovery to take place. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds...”

Refiners fire, baby!

Deuteronomy 15- The Poor Brothers

2008-03-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

“Is there a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs... Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart... There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.” -Deuteronomy 15:7-11

We are greedy, selfish, hoarding, coveting, selfish people. We love our stuff! We can’t get enough stuff. I mean, the stuff we have and need is very important to us, right. We can’t live without it. If we don’t have that new designer pair of jeans, we can’t breath another breath (though we have three pairs already). We love to talk ourselves into buying things because there is always a "real" reason we are in need. We love to get new stuff- often, to be entirely honest, it’s stuff we absolutely and positively don’t need at all!

But, we sure like to convince ourselves that we need and have to have these new trinkets, clothes, cars, houses, etc. or we can’t go on living. We simply can’t live without new and exciting things. We are raised in a culture where value, in many ways, is based on the things we have and do- the cars we drive and the jobs we work diligently at to get others to recognize us. I understand this. It’s hard to get away from. I know the struggle. I was raised in the same culture, the same society.

The path we are predestined for -if you will- from the beginning of our lives goes something like this:

Born
Eat
Walk
School
more school
College
Job
Make money
Save money
Retire
Die
(throughout this entire path, we try to buy the newest things, stay current with the trends, and are never happy with what we have)

What does Scripture say about our money. Are we to be buying things we don’t need? Are we to be convincing ourselves we need things we don’t? Then, turning around and spending horrendous amounts of money on things we already have and work fine but are not as new and exciting anymore? Do we all remember the parable about the man who wants to build a bigger and better barn, but unfortunately the next day his life is taken.

Luke 12:18

He spent so much time thinking about this new barn, the size, all the wonderful things that he could do with the new space (essentially, counting his eggs before they hatched), yet without the knowledge that he won’t live another day. He spent all that time and energy thinking about this new barn, energy and time that could have been spent on so many other things.

I propose to come at this from a different angle, an angle that frees us from the prison cell of money and things. It’s the opposite of what our society tells us is correct and, to many, a very uncomfortable, ridiculous way of living. There are so many rebuttals... God gave me the money, I should enjoy it- really, how much are you sharing with those in need? God gave me the gifts so that I could make the money I have and afford the new boat sitting outside- really, how are you using that boat to serve the Kingdom; how are you sharing what you have with those who have nothing? Just curious... there are so many responses and defenses...

Give it away.

Digging deeper... When we are gifted something great from the Lord, we often grab a hold of it and don’t let go. Picture holding your hand out in front of you... then picture God laying something in your hand (let’s say money)... the first thing we tend to do is close our hand around that gift. We believe God has given it to us so we can spend it on ourselves and do fun and exciting things with it. This could be true, but the second you wrap your hand around the object, whatever it is, you create an idol and start building a wall around your soft heart towards using this gift for the Kingdom. You start depending on the thing in your hand over the Lord. “Wherever your heart is, your treasure will be.”

We all do it to some extent. What would life look like if we were not trying to hold onto the gifts God laid in our hands? If we were willing to keep our hands open and allow God, or those in need, take from that open hand, all the while knowing God is in ultimate control and, like he did the first time, take care of our every need. Let me clarify when I say “take care of every need”, I do NOT mean you will be rich, have everything you want, or always be comfortable and fluffy.

Living a life of giving and not hoarding is a very difficult life to live, sometimes seemingly impossible. But it’s not. It’s a life of freedom. Jesus was homeless; he walked this earth without a large and expensive home; he gave everything of himself, all the way to taking a horrible painful sinners death on a cross. He GAVE everything God give him to others. He was living a life for others at all times.

Could there be more to Jesus' teaching on money and things? YES!

How are you giving or yourself, or the things God has gifted you, to those who are truly in need?

Where is your heart? Where is your heat? Where is your heart? Is it on making “enough” money, saving for retirement, having a safety net?

Do you truly feel free in Christ’s blood when you wake up in the morning?

I would love to hear anything you have to say...

MANN

Real Patience

2008-03-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

In the last few months, while learning true surrender (and I am still in the process of learning this), I have come to learn patience in a very real, uncomfortable, unavoidable way. I remember thinking about patience many months back, and what it looked like in my life. To me, patience was being OK with waiting a few extra minutes at a restaurant when my food was taking longer than normal, without being upset with the waiter/waitress.

Patience has taken on a new role in my life. It's no longer an idea or a concept, but a real-life experience or lifestyle. It's kinda like riding a roller-coaster... once the experience starts and you see what's ahead, and you feel that rumble in your stomach, you immediately (depending on your love for heights and speed) want to get off the ride. But once it starts, unless you want to ruin the ride for everyone, you have to stick it out; you have to bite your lip and hope the cart doesn't come off the tracks.

In the case of patience, I often want to "get off" by moving forward on my own accord (without proper guidance) because it's the easiest thing for me. I will do whatever is fastest and least painful for me. Well, not anymore. I don't have that luxury.

Patience is it's own type of ride, unlike any other. It's not an easy task; there is no FAST TRACK or easy road. When Christ puts us on the slow road, the uncomfortable road- the road less traveled, if you will- he intends for us to endure and not to run. Babies must crawl before they walk and they must walk before they can run. Many processes and lessons in our lives necessitate slow, arduous processes that lead us through the proverbial tunnel and into the light.

Christ is not interested in speeding the process up. What event in your life that you took little time and no sweat to accomplish actually mean something to you; did it make a impact on your life. We are stubborn people that often need to learn things over and over again before it actually sticks.

"God is not that concerned with how fast we grow but how strong we grow."

To loosely quote the theologically sound film Evan Almighty, "If we pray for patience, the Lord doesn't smack us with the ability to be patient. He gives us the opportunity to learn and use patience." - This couldn't be more true! If you are looking for patience, get ready for a wild ride.

I don't remember who wrote this quote,
"Over time, a slow, steady, stream of water will erode the hardest rock and turn giant boulders into pebbles. OVER TIME..."

Even this one!

And one more of my favorites:

"There is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss, and no loss without pain."

I am getting off the pulpit now. Forgive me for my ranting and raving. Too many quotes.

Have a great day!
MANN

Oh, Doctor

2008-03-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern:

"The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me in life, do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am." -Dr. Sam Peeples

We can only hide who we truly are for a short period of time... at some point, our true, broken, weak, nature will come out. I think it beneficial to see who we really are underneath the superficial, skin level of life- deep within ourselves- for we can then, and only then, start to ask the Lord to show us how we can use our faults, hang-ups, and weaknesses to serve the Ultimate Kingdom.

Sincerely,
MANN

Every Morning holds new breath and new adventure

2008-03-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

New breath and new life comes in the morning.

What are you going to do differently today? Try one new thing today that might challenge or grow you into the man you need to be...

Yakima

2008-03-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

What a weekend. Let me tell you... The Lord works in absolutely crazy ways.

Are you going to walk away?

2008-03-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

Pouring out my life to Jesus...

Do you want to walk away from the Lord?

Yeah, I know you know who Jesus is; I know you grew up with Him; I know you know the stories of the Bible; I know you can recite and quote scripture; I know you lead students in their walk... I get it, you are a Christian.

Do you want to walk away from the Lord?

At what personal risk are you following the Lord? Do you believe that you should be content at all times in your walk? Do you think that being content in your life is what God is asking of you? Is it content or complacent? Do you believe that you should be standing up for the Gospel of Christ? Do you believe the words coming out of your mouth show others your love for Christ and for them? Seriously, how do you sound, look, and act around others? Is Christ seen in you?

Are you an example of Christ?

I have seen and heard of many who believe in Jesus but would rather walk away from Him that to HONESTLY follow Him. I know them and so do you. What part do you play in their faith? Many Christians are pouring out their love to WORK for Jesus Christ, but they are not walking WITH Him.

Can you be one with Christ when working for Him and not walking with Him?

Although somewhat impossible, we must strive, fight, and cling to living a natural life or absolute dependency on Jesus. Oswald Chambers says, “Never try to live your life with God in any other way than His way. And His way means absolute devotion to Him. Showing no concern for the uncertainties that lie ahead is the secret of walking with Jesus.”

Let me ask one more time: Do you want to walk away from the Lord?

If not, get up and get going! What are your words, actions, and behaviors representing?

Start striving to be like Christ. Live a life that represents the Gospel of peace. Live a life that shows who Christ has been and is to you right now. Live a life that rests on ABSOLUTE dependency on Christ. No more weekend warriors or Tuesday night fighters...

Paul & Silas have balls

2008-03-02T09:35:00.001-08:00

I just finished reading Acts 16:22-34. My jaw dropped when I took a little extra time to break this turn-of-events into three points. Let me show you...

Let’s start with Paul and Silas being stripped and beaten (Point #1). In Paul’s day, being beaten was not like you might imagine it would be today. Today we have a underlying reluctance to be too harsh or hurtful to our prisoners (unless you are at Guantanamo bay). 2,000 years ago, when Paul and Silas were “severely flogged” (16:23), they were left bleeding, possibly with broken bones, and large disgusting open wounds that would most likely get infected due to lack of any type of treatment. If they were allowed to have their cloaks back before being thrown into a dark, dirty, insect and disease infected prison cell, their cloaks would’ve most likely adhered to their wounds when the blood clotting began. Essentially, Paul and Silas’s cloaks would have being glued to their wounds by the dry blood. Meaning that when they took off their cloaks, the wounds would be re-opened and the bleeding would have continued.

So, now that we have that picture painted in your mind, let’s move to the next point. Paul and Silas were thrown into this prison cell and shackled to the wall. At midnight there was an earthquake and the prison cell door flew open and the shackle miraculously fell off their hands and feet (Point #2). If it were me, I would immediately tell myself that God was trying to save me and I would run out the door to my freedom, never looking back. I would have gone on to the next city proclaiming that God saved my life from certain death. He amazingly opened the prison cell doors and broke the shackles. This is not what Paul and Silas did.

They stayed put. They didn’t run. They waited patiently. When the prison guard wakes up and sees that the door to the cell is open, he pulls out his sword and gets ready to kill himself. Paul stops him by telling his all the prisoners are present. It takes courage, faith and trust to stay in a prison cell with horrible wounds and no idea if you will ever walk out of that cell alive. Neither Paul nor Silas had any idea what would happen next. They had to believe they could die in that prison cell. They had to have thought their wounds could have been infected and lead to a absolutely horrendous and painful death. But... they stayed put.

The guard was so amazed they didn’t run away that he wanted to know Jesus (Point #3). He accepted Jesus and then brought Paul and Silas to his home for a meal. The whole family accepted the Lord and were baptized. This all came from a beating. When most of us would have been bitter, pissed, and ready to run away from that prison cell, they stayed. We never know when or where the Lord is going to use us to effect those around us. Paul and Silas were in prison, possible near death, and their willingness to stay when the cell doors opened- an absolute ballsy move- lead a family to live a life with Christ.

A good laugh

2008-02-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

Character Development

2008-02-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

We are afraid to humbly face the truth about ourselves.

I have already pointed out that the truth will set us free but it often makes us MISERABLE first. The fear of what we might discover if we honestly faced our character defects keeps us living in the prison of denial. Only as God is allowed to shine the light of truth on our faults, failures, and hang-ups can we begin to work on them. This is why you cannont grow without a humble, teachable attitude. Rick Warren

"There is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss, and no loss without pain." Real growth is absolutely painful. You can tell you are really growing if taking one step in front of the other takes energy and tears. You can't grow without growing pains.

Are you honestly allowing God to shine His light in and through you?

Have you taken real time to allow God to search you inside and out? What is He saying?

Grace

2008-02-21T18:40:00.000-08:00

Grace...shoot, she died ten years ago. THE BLESSING!

I pledge allegiance to the flag, of the united states of America, and to the republic for which it stands...

Broken Tools

2008-02-20T07:18:00.000-08:00

We are all broken. We have all experienced deep pain and anguish. In some fashion or form, we have all felt betrayed, heartbroken, rejected, insulted, lied to, etc. We all continue to sin. We are stuck in sin that we can’t kick. We are all hurt, broken, sinners. Did I mention we are all broken?

It’s funny how we as humans view brokenness. I believe we are raised to have the perspective we do. It goes something like this: “If its broken, fix it,” “If you don’t like what you are, be something else.” There are many clichés that say the same thing, but overall they all have the dame drum beat. We are all taught that if something is broken, if something is off, is something doesn’t fit right, we need to fix it.

I propose an entirely opposite perspective, and I believe Jesus does as well. How do we know how or what to fix? How do we know what should replace that brokenness? We are not God, thus we can’t even guesstimate what the remedy or “fix” would be. Furthermore, I believe our culture got it all wrong. It’s not about “fixing” ourselves, it is about living in brokenness. It’s about embracing our pain, suffering, heartache, and deep sense of brokenness.

Is there any place in scripture where Jesus says, “your fait has healed all your heartaches, suffering, betrayal, broken promises, or brokenness?” The answer is no. Jesus does tell us that in our weakness He is strong (2 Cor. 12:9). He does tell us that when we are hurting He will be right beside us (Joshua 1:5). He is very present in our brokenness. But he may not take it away.

Here is my proposal: God needs us to be broken. Some might say we need to die to ourselves or to Jesus; others might say we need to come to the end of our rope. I say, we need to embrace our broken tools.

Let me clarify. In some way we are all tools used by Jesus to accomplish His will and bring knowledge of who He is to others. We are tools in a toolbox, all of us with different abilities, that God uses to glorify His name. Unfortunately, life has broken many of us. As tools, we don’t do the task we were created to do. Out tape measures have been left int he rain and now are rusted shut, our chisel head busted off and now can’t be used to chip away wood.

The great part about being a broken tool is that God finds a purpose for us in our brokenness. For example, I am a ratchet. Life has broken my ability to be used as a ratchet. I can no longer tighten or loosen a bolt. But, God has turned my use around and not uses me as a hammer. Though I might not get the nail in the wood as fast as a real hammer, I am used as a hammer. I still have a purpose, and God loves to continue using me.

What things have happened in your life that might have broken you as a tool?

How can God use you as a broken tool for a new task?

Have you asked God to re-use you?

Crumbling

2008-02-19T19:55:00.000-08:00

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28

God is good! We can rely on Him to work things out in our lives, despite what the tangible things around us are telling us. He is all powerful and can do anything. I don't want to forget the power He has. I don't want to forget the things He has done in my life in the past and recently in the present. I am blessed. I am broken. In my weakness, He has shown great and mighty strength.

I think back to the Jars of Clay. We are all broken, ugly, hurting, and cracked on the outside of our bodies. Some of us have had hard lives, some of us have been hurt, betrayed, etc. But, God is inside of us and He can work through the ugly broken exterior. He uses us in our broken stage to reveal the true beauty within us- Jesus Christ.

And, the best part... He cares ever so deeply for each and every one of us.

Encouragement through ACTION

2008-02-17T08:53:00.000-08:00

How are your actions encouraging others in their faith walks? When you truly look at yourself and how you are acting, what do you see- encouragement... compassion... selfishness... hollowness?

In Corinth, Paul was encouraged by the Corinthians, though they were doing some outlandish things (2 Corinthians 7:5-16). Although Paul starts by confessing his pain and sorrow for sending such a hurtful letter, he quickly switches and tells the Corinthians how happy he is that his tough letter led the to godly repentance.

"I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led to repentance... Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret... By all this I am ENCOURAGED."

Our behavior speaks louder than all the words we can drool out of our mouths. Others are watching as we go through trials, hurts, broken relationships, etc. We have to ask ourselves if we are honoring God through it all or are we being a poor example of what Christ would do?

"Let us NOT love with WORDS or TONGUE, but with ACTION and in TRUTH"

"Whatever we do, do it in a manner worthy of the gospel of peace."

Through tough times, are you honestly conducting yourself in a way that give God glory? Are you sacrificing?

"This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down His life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

Jars of clay

2008-02-17T08:45:00.001-08:00

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our bodies the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." -2 Corinthians 4:7-10

Looking at me, you might see a very sad, broken man. You may see sin in my life; you may see character flaws; you may even see, as a Christian, I am far from perfect. My outward appearance might communicate harsh brokenness, but when looking closer, you notice something else. Deep inside me, you can see hope, joy, completeness, mercy, grace, happiness, peace, and compassion. You can't understand it, but there is certainly something there. Something powerful under the skin level- something you can't exactly put your finger on. Through you may know about crisis, hurt, suffering, struggle in my life, you still see something under the broken, crushed outside appearance. You see the light, love, and life of Jesus Christ. My body is 100% dead to and from this life, but Christ lives through me.

Good Times

2008-02-16T17:30:00.000-08:00

Yup

2008-02-16T16:38:00.000-08:00

"The cure for this bondage is to see that God is the one being in the universe for whom self-exaltation is the most loving act. In exalting himself – Grand Canyon-like – he gets the glory and we get the joy. The greatest news in all the world is that there is no final conflict between my passion for joy and God's passion for his glory. The knot that ties these together is the truth that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. Jesus Christ died and rose again to forgive the treason of our souls, which have turned from savoring God to savoring self. In the cross of Christ, God rescues us from the house of mirrors and leads us out to the mountains and canyons of his majesty. Nothing satisfies us – or magnifies him – more."

_Piper

John Piper-

2008-02-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness... God wants us all to to treasure our relationships. Broken relationships dishonor the covenant the Lord made with us through His blood- His forgiveness for us. This is not as easy for us humans as it is for the Lord. Jesus, while hanging on a cross, bleeding, hurting and in pain, forgave His murderers while being murdered.

"Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing."

How many of us actually look at what we are doing to others? Do we sit down and analyze the behavior we are doing and try to understand what it looks like to others? Possibly the other party in a broken relationship.

True, deep forgiveness is something we simply can't do. There are things deep inside us that prevent us from immediate release from the burden of betrayal, being wronged, and hurt or pain. If we believe in a God of comfort and forgiveness, we believe that God can change our hearts.

It's not a mind conviction that leads to real forgiveness, but a heart conviction that Christ forgave us and we need to forgive each other. God will convict our hearts when the time is right. We need to be patient and wait.

God's justice will prevail. When we are wronged, betrayed, hurt, or taken advantage of, we have sufficient and appropriate need to have a grudge against the other person. Anger is biblical but the way we use our anger is what is most important. If we look at the Psalms we see deep anger, resentment, hate, frustration, etc. within relationships. God knows our hearts. He knows where we are and what we are thinking.

God will right the wrong.

Thinking out loud

2008-01-17T17:16:00.001-08:00

If you are wondering why there are headings to empty postings, it's because I had some serious stuff under those headings. And, the more I wrote, prayed, and thought about the things I had on the blog, the more I realized that the information I learned was for me and not for others to see- sorry! If you really want to know the deep, awesome things I learned, just ask me. I would love to share with you personally.

I just listened to an awesome sermon by Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz and many others) about the story of our lives. We all have a story. We all have numerous chapters in our stories- some very sad chapters, some happy chapters, and others who knows what kind of chapters. These chapters are consist of the things we have done in our lives- all the experiences, heartbreak, tough times, sadness, happiness, etc. The sermons spoke deeply about how we all should strive to risk our lives for Christ. Throughout the sermon, Donald used the idea of a movie/story, asking the question: "Would someone want to watch or read your story?" Is there excitement in your life? Does your life sing: "EXCITEMENT!"

He went on to talk about fear blocking many of us from experiencing an absolutely AWESOME story. Fear blocks us sometimes from stepping out in faith for the things we believe the Lord wants from us. We sit and do the things that make us feel comfortable and complacent. We all have the quiet whisper in the back of our brains and hearts telling us to do this or that. He continued with telling about many of us who just want to live cozy, easy, simple lives. We don't want to risk anything because we are scared and don't want to lose what we already have. He compared that with the idea of a movie where a guy works throughout the movie - for two hours - trying to figure out how to buy a Volvo. He works so hard to get this Volvo and he finally does. Then the credits run. That's the story. This guy gets a Volvo and then life is complete.

We all have complete control of our stories- to a point- and we can all use the time we have on this earth to bring awesome and great glory to the Lord. We control the chapters of our lives. We can use our time to go to work, come home, eat, drink, sleep, and get up to do the same thing the next day. We can also go out on dangerous limbs when encouraged by the Holy Spirit and God can use us in ways we were not aware we could be used.

How many of us want to live a cozy, Volvo life? I hope none of us. I hope we all desire to live by the faint whisper the Lord is speaking into our hearts and minds.

What are the chapters you have lived? What is the next chapter in your life? What do you want your story to look like?

How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?

2008-01-10T12:57:00.000-08:00

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
- 2 Corinthians 4:18

The first thing that pops into my mind is that my fire-like fixation on material things needs to be extinguished. Another thing that pops into my mind is the extreme need to stay close to those friends who are not believers- to be present and love them through my actions. I do love and care about them and I want them to know I am here. But, for me, staying in Christian community is a very important thing for spiritual growth. Being honest and real with people allows them to speak deep insight into my life.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”
-1 John 3:18

Words only go so far. At some point our love needs to be seen through our commitment and care for them. I think I often fall short of doing this, but I also believe God honors my attempts and uses them despite what I think.

My heart should be with Christ in all my relationships, and my heart should not be near material things. This has held me down for far too long. God has given me exactly what I need to survive. I don’t need anything else. I am content with what I have. He continues to show me how little I can live with- coffee!

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” -Luke 12:34

Where is your treasure- things, people, money, cars, houses, hope, work?

Real Love is painful

2008-01-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse....Do not repay anyone evil for evil, Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room of God’s wrath....Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
-Romans 12:17-21

Scripture lives. This chunk of scripture has power to it. There are people in all of our lives that we do not like, want to look at, or want to think about because of something they did to us. They might have said something behind your back, cut you off as a friend, stolen something from you, or any number of other things that could cause a feeling of betrayal.

Paul addresses (numerous times throughout scripture) the desire to hate our way though it. It’s the easy way out! If we can play the blame game, if we can point fingers, we are able to release this burden onto the other person involved. But, if we are to follow the scripture above, we have to take a couple pretty large things into consideration: “Bless those who persecute you,” “Do not repay anyone evil for evil,” “live at peace with everyone,” “Do not take revenge,” “overcome evil with good.”

To live according to this scripture is a very hard thing to do. There is no easy way to do this. We are human, and as humans we don’t just flick a switch that enables us to be kind, loving, and caring towards someone we feel has wronged us. It just doesn’t happen. And, if someone can do it, my first thought is it’s superficial and shallow and has no depth to it. They are faking it!

To truly live to this scripture, we must pick up our cross every morning and die to ourselves. We must put others before us; we must lay our lives down as living sacrifices- daily! We must take the high road in our actions, even if it is painful or seems like it’s not the right thing to do. We must walk as Jesus did.

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” -1 John 3:16

“But if anyone obeys His word God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we are in Him: whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did.” -1 John 2:5-6

How does this look in your life right now? Are you laying down your life for your brothers/ sisters, parents, friends? Are you walking as Jesus would? Are you handling situations in your life how Jesus would? Take a hard look.

Sin

2008-01-08T07:11:00.000-08:00

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

This pretty much sums it up! God is here! We are all in the same boat. We are all sinners. We all fall short of the glory of God. Bottom line: we work together as a community to hold each other accountable and encourage each other in the growth against sin in our lives. Sin will never go away, but it can be suppressed.

Honestly, how do we live for God?

2008-01-06T07:27:00.000-08:00

"Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." -Colossians 1:16 msg

A little while back, I stopped asking myself this question... I am not sure why. Life complicates things. Struggles come into our simple lives and wash away our minimal knowledge of what God wants for our lives. This isn't an excuse as much as a revelation.

God has a plan for all of us. We just have to take the time and listen to what He wants us to do.

It's not about me! I don't think I have ever said something so true. Being on this earth is not about me. Being alive, breathing air, eating, having fun, etc. Life here on earth is not about me. It's about our Lord. Scripture comes to mind when I write this out.

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Paul couldn't have written anything clearer. But, how did I get lost from this. Life is about worship and relationship with our God. God has given us great gifts to share with others. God has given us all different gifts that can all bring great glory to His name. To live here on earth is for Christ. Who knew it was so easy to get lost from this.

God is at work. He is working intensely in my life right now. I don't go a day without God dropping me to my knees in reverence, respect, need, and love for Him. Knowing God, and asking God to truly reveal who I are in Him is a VERY painful process. He has to show me all my faults, all my negative traits, and all the things He wants to address in who I am before He can build me up to be the man of integrity, joy, and peace in Christ He wishes me to be. He has showed me the negative and is now showing me how to be the positive. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel. God is carrying me now, but one day I will walk again.

Love became a new concept to me:

2008-01-05T09:43:00.000-08:00

When we read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we are given an example of what love should look like for the church. I have read this a dozen times and never really felt the weight of what is meant in this scripture. I believe crisis often has to find us in our comfortable lives before Christ can speak into our hearts. For a while now, my heart has been dark. This was not a fun place to be. When I know my heart is a loving heart, but all I feel is a version of hate within me, I get very scared that the enemy is at work. I am only human. The things around me do impact my life, but I am a Christian first. And, God has began a process in my life that no one can stop. It is not a comfortable process. By no means is it easy. It is the most physical and emotional pain that I cold ever feel. But, through this pain, I know see love as a new concept to me.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers....Love never fails."

Like I said above, this is scripture all Christians have read- possibly hundreds of times. But, it takes a real-life situation to understand what it truly means to love another person. I now understand the cost of love. In the past, I have learned that love is not a fluffy, lovey-dovey feeling deep within our stomachs (this does happen though), but love is deep. Love is looking out for someone when it will cost you everything. It can be very painful to love someone.

My best example is Christ dying on the cross. Christ endured torture, slander, smacks, punches, betrayal by His children, and heartache (plus much more). He had ever reason to turn His back on us and find hate in His heart towards His children. That would have been the easiest way out of the feelings and emotions He was having. Or culture even tells us to turn on people we aren't happy with and find someone else that will make us happy. This is what the world is saying to us. We are up against a lot of evil.

What is Christ telling us to do? By example, Christ showed us to love unconditionally. He took all of our sin on the cross and still loves us more than anything. He loves us though it all- no matter how bad we treat Him. He died for us. He would take the cross again for us.

How does this look for us? We have to die for our friends and loved ones.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

We have to endure the pain. We have to show love when love hurts. We have to wake up every morning, take up the cross, and die for those we love. It will be painful. I know I am in pain. I know it is not easy or knowing this doesn't quicken the process. But, if Christ lives in you, there is no other way to love.

Love will never fail! Love is not self-seeking- it's not about us, it's about our brothers; it's about Christ.

Remembering Humility

2008-01-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

The Lord has been morphing my mind and soul this last couple weeks. He has pushed me to do things I used to do that have always brought me closer to Christ. Things like talking to people I might have sinned against or slandered, or stepping out in faith (with the gurgle stomach) to tell someone they are great or encourage them. I feel He pressed me to talk with a couple people in my life that needed to know how I feel. I remember that I am an encourager because God gave me the gift of voicing my love for others.

Real Christianity

2007-12-30T14:35:00.000-08:00

Every growth spurt starts with obedience. If I can't be obedient to the Holy Spirit- the faint whisper in the back of my mind- I won't grow out of any funk I get into. I can hear Him now, and I can see Him smiling.

I am a man that always wants to be changing in Christ. I have always been willing to change. I have always wanted to change with Christ. I am never perfect and I know this. My character is always changing. I am not going to be who I am today a year from now, two years, ten years.

Christ lives and He changes. He will never fail us. We just have to walk by faith.

It makes sense now. But, before it made sense, I depended on other people, events, things, money, and more to give me the joy, peace, and love in my life that I so desired. This was absolutely wrong. I was way off, but I didn't even know it. I thought I was this great Christian and everyone else was horrible. I thought I had my life in line. Little did I know that I was the horrible Christian- a Pharisee is a better way to say it- and all those people in my life that I thought were horrible quickly proved to be honorable and authentic. It's funny how our eyes can be blocked from seeing the truth. We think we are looking; we think we know what to look for, but we are mistaken. It sometimes takes a huge hit- an emotional hit- to really notice where Christ is in your life. Bigger yet, after seeing where Christ is, it takes a real Christian to go towards Him. To fight for Him. To fight to be like Him. To face the light when so much of your life is hidden in the dark.

This is where I am right now. I am going through a rocky time in my life. I will continue to be stuck in this rocky time. Christ has been here with me. He has not failed me and He never will. I may feel physical and emotional pain, but God is here standing beside me telling me "One step at a time. Take one step of faith at a time. I will meet you here. I have a plan for you."